


In Another Life

by aifi_shk



Category: Runningman
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aifi_shk/pseuds/aifi_shk
Summary: “Noona’s wedding is cancelled.” The words sobered him up, coming out from Kwang-soo as nothing more than a whisper, but filled his head like a thunder.
Relationships: Kimjongkook/songjihyo, spartace - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	1. Beginning

한 남자가있어 널 너무 사랑한  
한 남자가 있어 사랑해 말도 못하는  
니 곁에 손 내밀면 꼭 닿을 거리에  
자신보다 아끼는 널 가진 내가 있어

There’s a man who loves you so much.  
There’s a man who can’t even say I love you.  
I put my hand out by your side and  
at a path were you can always reach me  
I, who cherishes you more than myself, am with you.

For as long as he could remember, he was always watching her.

He watched as everyone greeted her on her first day transferring to their branch seven years ago. He watched how quickly she got close to Dong-hoon, maybe because he made her laugh with his stupid antics. He watched as Kwang-soo treated her like a sibling, like a real sister, often fighting but at the same time, fiercely supporting each other. He watched her bonding with almost everyone in the office.

He also watched her fell asleep after getting drunk during their weekly dinner with the whole group. He watched her fell asleep in the office, in the meeting, everywhere. He watched her cursing at him in glee and instead of feeling insulted, he was thrilled as he could curse back, not worrying about her feelings because he knew she'd understand.

Over the years, he watched her bloomed, releasing her full potential, mesmerising him (and the rest of them) with her numerous achievements in a world dominated by men, often surpassing Dong-hoon as her senior, and slowly but surely becoming his number one rival. 

He watched her, still in disbelief, as he wasn’t feeling threatened by her at all, and instead of becoming enemies due to their rivalry, they became friends. They became close. She laughed at his jokes. She touched him, sometimes unnecessarily. She listened to him when he nagged endlessly. She went to do crazy exercises with him and without realising it, she was doing something to him, the things that no other women do. 

Not like how she does it, at least.

He then watched in despair as she fell in love with a stranger. She was still her, in a sense, only happier, and the thought of someone else was making her felt that way, selfishly broke him.

He watched that man protected her from the rain when he picked her up from work one night. He watched how happy she was when she linked her arm with his. He watched that man touched her lips with his lips the other night and it made him looked away. He watched her came in one morning, telling everyone in the group that he proposed and the wedding would be in early autumn this year. He watched her wide smile as she said it. He watched her laughing and blushing when Dong-hoon and Kwang-soo teased her.

For as long as he could remember, he could only do just that. He could only watched. He could only looked. When she looked back at him and smiled even wider, he smiled back and wished her nothing but happiness even though his heart was breaking. And, he meant it.

Earlier this night, he watched her again, staring without blinking at her computer screen. She remained static even when he stood behind her for a full few minutes since he came in the office from a meeting.

He let out a sigh.

It reminded him of what happened four months ago when he caught her just ending a call in the pantry, gripping on her phone as if her life depended on it. He came in, beaming with pride and joy, bragging to her about his promotion. He announced it in front of her like a jerk he was that he got it, the title that they both wanted. He reminded her about the joked she muttered previously during dinner with all of the others, where she looked forward for him to address her formally in the office. Now that it was officially his, he demanded her to do the same.

He was ready, however, for her round of insults. Whether it’s “you sure Manager Yoo wasn’t just mistaking?” or “life is gonna be hell after this..” (and he will say yes with an annoying smirk) or “i would be a better leader than you” or “you? You’ll be the next Senior Executive!? You?! I’d rather die —“ or something more insulting. Hell, he would be satisfied if she would just glare at him or smack him somewhere as she would always do or grab his hair and pull it wholeheartedly.

Annoyingly, she hugged him tight. She congratulated him with a small voice. She even teared up. He still mocked her, of course, by saying, “you can’t have two good things in a year. You’re getting married this year, let me have this one okay?” She looked away (he assumed she was blushing and it almost ripped away his happiness that day) but she quickly turned back to him and exclaimed that she’s proud. She's proud of him. Her words were genuine and his biased heart fluttered.  
It’s not until that night, after his small celebration party as promised by Manager Yoo was over, after he had been dreading in silent for not seeing her at all the whole evening, that he received the news.

“Noona’s wedding is cancelled.” The words sobered him up, coming out from Kwang-soo as nothing more than a whisper but filled his head like a thunder.

He pretty sure he smacked Kwang-soo in the head that night.

She didn’t came in the next day, which was understandable, but what made him even madder was how quickly her story spread in the office. It’s probably Suk-jin hyung who accidentally spit it out but he didn’t get a chance to beat him up or do something as Dong-hoon calmed him down first.

“Think about this, hyung! This is actually a good thing—“

“How could this be a good thing?! She clearly wanted to keep it a secret—and now even Manager Yoo knew-“

“It would save her from our spontaneous reaction, hyung! Think about it! If she tells us directly, do you think Suk-jin hyung would say something appropriate? Can you guarantee Kwang-soo wouldn’t say something stupid? Do you think I can control my expression? Se-chan would say something crazy too! And you! Look how mad you are right now?! If she tells this to your face, won’t you just be ready for a hunt on that man?!”

Dong-hoon was wrong about one thing. She didn’t have to tell this to his face for him to be ready for a murder spree, but he got his point.

“We would be ready for her, hyung. We wouldn’t say the wrong things. We wouldn’t do weird things that for sure would made her uncomfortable. We wouldn’t drive her crazy. Don’t you think she had enough on her already?”

Thus, he calmed down. But then, he received another news. She moved out from her current house. Kwang-soo and Se-chan were worried (they all were, but the two of them were actually brave enough to go check on her) as after that evening, she remained silent, not taking any calls nor responding to any texts and decided to go her house. The owner told them that she didn’t tell her too where she was going.

He was mad again. He wanted to smack Kwang-soo’s head again but he couldn’t. He knew it wasn’t Kwang-soo’s fault. After all, it wasn’t Kwang-soo who was the first to know. It was him. He quickly realised it after he received the news.

The blankness of her face that evening, the unreadable expression, the unusual tight grip of her phone, the tight hug, the tears, the soft smile, the non-witty comeback, the looking away when he mentioned it... oh, he has been a fool. Oh, what a fool he was. He was more than mad, he was boiling with anger. Poor Mr Park, the gym owner, he had to remind him that he must pay extra if he indeed destroyed the punching bag that had been the victim of his wrath for a couple of weeks.

He was going crazy, with on-going conducive training from Executive Chun, his predecessor, and her gone. He would really exploded that morning if he hadn’t realised that she was actually back. She was actually there. He watched silently, as she bowed in front of everyone, apologising for making everyone worried and at the same time, thanking them for caring for her. She explained her status, then, giving everyone a vague explanation about her decision for cancelling her wedding.

So-min, the new girl, said nothing but quickly hugged her, followed by Dong-hoon and Kwang-soo next. Suk-jin patted her head and the youngest, Se-chan, held her hand awkwardly. They wished her strength and promised to be there for her. She laughed. Of course she would. She said she was doing okay, but he could hear the pain in her voice. Still, he just stood there, as he would always do.

It was her who approached him first. She touched the back of his hand lightly. Her hand was cold, sending chills straight to his back bone. “I’m sorry for causing you trouble, Executive Kim, and for not giving you any gifts for your promotion yet. I’ll think of something,” she said while smiling but that smile didn’t touch her eyes at all. Yet, he could only pursed his lips.

He watched as everyone froze in fear one morning, when that blabber-mouth So-min suddenly blurted out that she didn’t know what to give Executive Chun for his wedding next month, as they already agreed beforehand that wedding was a taboo topic to say in front of her. So-min realised her mistake far too late and Dong-hoon was ready to jump in to save the day, when she suddenly said something.

“If it was me, I would want new cooking utensils. I would be cooking a lot for my husband, so new pans or pots would be cool, don’t you think?” He could see that everyone was hiding their sigh of reliefs, but as she turned away from the crowd, he saw the hint of pain in her eyes again.

He watched her faking a smile again when giving out relationship advices to Kwang-soo as he started going out with Sun-bin. He watched her trying as hard as she could to be excited when coming to the hospital for the birth of Dong-hoon and Go-eun’s second son. He watched her tried to listen intensely to Suk-jin complaining about his wife again and at the end told him to appreciate what they had more respectfully. He watched her followed So-min jumping around during lunch after she revealed that Se-chan and her are dating.

He watched that damn same smile appeared every time and he knew that it broke her that she couldn’t be genuinely happy for everybody, but he wished she knew it’s breaking him too.

And now, he watched her sitting alone at the bench on the riverside, gulping down her fifth can of beer. She quickly stood up when she realised someone was watching her and that someone was him. Her words came out slurring, a clear evident that she wasn’t sober.

“Oh, Executive Kim!” He’s lucky that it’s almost 11 and the riverside was almost empty from people because she was half shouting when she called out for him. “What are you doing here?”

She tapped the vacant seat besides her a few times after sitting down again, signalling him to come closer. “Come here, Executive Kim!” She shouted again and he had no other choice other than to shuffle his feet towards her.

“Is this what you’ve been doing after cancelling dinner together?” It’s meant to be a question full of concern, but his tone wasn’t friendly, so it came out as an attack.

She’s triggered. “What are you talking about, Executive Kim?! I stayed back to edit my slides for tomorrow! Our slides—your slides—“

“I’ve seen them. Se-chan ran it through me and it worked just fine. It'll work--"

“Just because you thought it would work, Mr Kim-“ she hiccuped, “-doesn’t mean it couldn’t be improved!”

He wanted to say something again but she cut him. 

“You’re the one who cancelled! You went out for a meeting! That’s why they cancelled! Not me.. not ‘cause of me!” She snorted all of the sudden and mumbled, “oh, you’re an Executive now! Of course you would be busy! That’s amazing! That’s so amazing!” Her cold hand reached his wrist, gripping it rather loosely. “I’m so proud of you, Executive Kim.”

“Ji-hyo-“

“Remember last year,” she cut him off, “Suk-jin oppa said that it wouldn’t matter how long you’ve been working here, Manager Yoo would still choose you because he’s afraid that you will beat him up. Oh, it’s so funny!”

Of course, he remembered. They were all -Suk-jin hyung, Kwang-soo, Dong-hoon, Se-chan, him, her- hanging out at a restaurant, having their weekly dinner.

“Since Executive Chun is leaving, don’t you think one of us would replace him?” Dong-hoon asked, breaking silence, while chewing on his meat.

“Ah! Of course! Who would you think that be?” Se-chan replied.

Kwang-soo quickly swallowed and said, “isn’t that obvious? Jong-kook hyung!”

He choked, denying the comment from that lanky man. Of course, they teased him, saying he was blushing -which he was- but he didn’t want it seemed to be a sure thing, as it’s not, so he said everyone could be Chul-min’s replacement.

“Oh, come on!” Se-chan replied, “it’s obviously going to be you!” All of them chorused the same thing and as he continued to said otherwise, he noticed she rolled her eyes. He knew her well to know that it’s out of how they’re comfortable with each other that she’s able to express herself freely and took it as a joke but he still wanted to say something witty back to her. It’s her. Of course he would say something back.

“You got a problem with that, Ji-hyo?” He asked in an overly annoyed voice that everyone knew too well was a joke.

“Yes! I do have a problem with that!” She retorted back. Her eyes glared at him with such strong intensity that it’s actually funny. “I do have a problem with you becoming the next executive!”

“What?!”

“It would be like hell! We would’ve have to work until midnight every night! If we made small mistakes, you would 'teach' us a lesson."

Everyone laughed at her reply. Kwang-soo joined in, “it would be a dictatorship!”

He shot a glare at Kwang-soo and that man stood up just as fast and bowed to him. “I’m sorry, Mr Kim, I’m sorry!”

“Look, look,” Dong-hoon chimed in, “he isn’t even the executive now and he’s showing his dictatorship!”

“See!” She quickly agreed. They then started another round of saying the same thing.

“Wow! I’m actually hurt. I thought you guys would support me...” he whined jokingly. “Who do you think should be the next executive, then?”

“Me!” She replied bravely and he laughed at her predictable answer. When the others started booing at her, she glared at all of them. “What?! What?!”

“How shameless.” He commented, teasing her along with the others.

“Watch out, oppa! I’m looking forward for you to address me formally in the office!”

He scoffed at her snarky words.

“Of course it’s going to be me!” Dong-hoon said all of sudden and the crowd booed at him next. He choked on his drink, laughing at the sudden change in the group.

“Don’t kid yourself,” Suk-jin interrupted, “of course, it’s going to be Jong-kook.”

“Why?” Se-chan turned to the oldest man.

“Jae-suk would be scared he would beat him up if he won’t promote him!” They responded to his reason with laughter.

“But it’s true, though, right? He would choose Jong-kook hyung as he’s the senior.” Se-chan noted as he chewed on his food.

“Hey, if it’s about seniority, don’t you think I deserve it the most?” Suk-jin asked pettily as he hit Se- chan in the shoulder. “I have been working here for more 20 years!”

The laughter erupted again in their group as they realised no one said Suk-jin name as the replacement. 

No one even thought about him. It’s so funny, Kwang-soo needed help with water to help him swallow his food and Haha grossly spit out a few rice. It’s so funny that he saw she actually crying laughing.

See, he remembered.

“You deserved it, really. And to think I still haven’t give you anything as a present..” she sighed loudly. She didn’t say anything else after that, staring at the calm water and he watched as she took another big gulp.  
It was his turn to exhale loudly.

“Ji-hyo, what are you really doing here?”

“Me?” She blinked a few times before turning to him with that smile and muttered, “I’m...just hanging out.”  
Oh, how he hated that man. What kind of power did he really has that she turned this way after their relationship was over? What kind of charm that he possessed that it’s causing her to smile like she wouldn’t find any other love in the future? What was it—and why would he abused it? How was he so lucky— to have her— to have her love him like this— and still wasted it away? Fuck, he wanted to kill something—someone.

“At 11 pm? Alone? In the cold?”

She snickered as she stated her reason. “It wasn’t ideal but at least the beer made it warm.” He sighed again, frustrated.

“Oh, oppa!” She sat up straight suddenly, “that reminds me! Se-chan asked me to plan for his three months anniversary with So-min next week. Do you have any ideas on the theme...” she talked endlessly, appearing to be more excited than before but he has been watching her for a long time that he knew even that was fake and it made him felt worse.

“So-min likes vintage theme, but since it was closer to Halloween, don’t you think spooky theme would be even better—“

“Stop it, Ji-hyo.” “Eh?”

“Stop!” He almost shouted in frustration, but it came out a whimper. She opened her mouth to say something but he didn’t let her. “Stop doing all of this!”

“You want me to stop planning for So-min and Se-chan...?” She blinked, looking confused, but he knew for a fact that she knew exactly what he meant.

“Stop trying to make everyone happy! Stop trying to help them to be happy! Stop involving yourself! Just stop!”

“...but why?”

“You can’t even be happy yourself, Ji-hyo,” he grunted.

“That’s not true! I-“

“Stop lying. Stop lying to me. Stop lying to everyone! Stop it, Ji-hyo, I’m serious, please- for the love of god, just please, stop.”

She frowned, offended but he wouldn’t take back his words. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.

“So what if I’m not happy?! They’re my friends! I want them to be happy! Doesn’t matter about what I feel—it’s not about me!”

He ran his hand through his hair, tempted to pulling some off his head.

“Do you think we’re happy if you aren’t happy? Do you think we enjoy looking at you faking it? I  
certain don’t.”

She threw her hands in front of her, visibly upset this time. “So what? You expect me to not be there when something happened to them?! You expect me to not show up? You’d rather me not joining?”

“No! I—“

“You’d rather me leaving, then, Executive Kim?”

“Stop calling me that!” He slumped his body backwards, shaking the bench. “And, no! That’s not what we want! That’s not want I want. That’s not it at all!”

“Then, what is it?!"

“We want you to be happy again, Ji-hyo! I want you to be happy again! It’s not that I’d rather see you leaving, because of fucking course, I want you near, but if you want to take some times to heal and it’s involving you to leave, then yes, I would support you to not join us for a while!”

She started to mumble something incoherent, but he held up his hand, stopping her from talking.

“I would rather you not be there and mopping in sadness silently while watching Se-chan and So-min go all over each other! I actually would rather you not be there in Executive Chun’s wedding because I could see you holding back tears when you heard them say their vows!”

He cleared his throat once.

“All I’m saying is you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do uncomfortable shit just to make others happy. You don’t have to do things that cause you pain just to be there for them. You don’t have to-“

“But they-“

“They would understand! If they really love you, they would. We would understand. All of us, Suk-jin hyung, Dong-hoon, Kwang-soo, that gross couple, all of us, we love you—I love you. And, more than anything, if you really can't be happy, I want you to be okay. And I know that you’re not okay. I know you’re in pain. I know you do."

She covered her face at his confession. After not saying anything for a while, she laughed.

“Ah, oppa,” she sighed, “you’re so annoying.” She turned to him, gazing back into his eyes that never left her in the first place and smacked his chest. “You’re annoying, you know that?!”

He cracked a smile, but it was a little too sad, even for him. “I know that,” he replied softly while reaching for her hand, “you told me that so many times.”

“I came here to have a good, quiet time, oppa, and you ruined it! You ruined everything,” she complained, laughing again, but this time her laugh was tainted with obvious pain. “How could you know me so well? Ugh! You’re annoying...”

Her voice disappeared into the cold night. That laughter of hers, it turned into little sobs. And just like that, tears started streaming down her face.

“Ji-hyo,” he called out, gripping her cold hands tighter. “I—“

“Of course I’m not okay, oppa.” She said, wiping away her tears with her jacket sleeve but they didn’t stop coming. They rained down her round cheeks like waterfall. “How could I be okay?” She asked rhetorically. The pain in her voice sounded ancient. Sounded like it was kept away for too long. And, it was.

“How could I be okay, oppa?” She started again, asking questions that he couldn’t answer. “I was supposed to get married tomorrow. Tonight, I was supposed to be surrounded by my girl friends and drink champagne all night to celebrate my last night being single. I was supposed to be dancing all night... and when tomorrow comes, I’ll be someone’s wife. I’ll finally be someone’s wife. I’ll be his wife — the man that I claimed loud and proud as the love of my life— I’ll be his wife—but he... he— that fucking bastard—he went on and made other woman pregnant!”

She bowed down onto their linked hands after spilling her well-kept secret and mourned there. He closed his eyes as her words ran through his head, making him dizzy. He closed his eyes as she cried her heart’s out. He closed his eyes as he felt her tears on his hand.

"Ah, oppa," she whined, "what should I do..."  
He swore he wanted to protect her, took her into his arms so that the cold couldn’t get to her, but it’s not coldness that causing her this pain. He wanted to fight it, whatever causing her this level of hurt. He wanted to do everything, but it turned out that he was clueless.

She cried and cried as the night get colder and quieter. He opened his eyes, coming down with a realisation that he couldn’t just watch her anymore. As she grieved into the night, he realised he must do something. And he did. He pulled her into his embrace and let her wet his chest instead.

And, he promised, to her, to himself, to the calm river, to the cold wind, to the silent night, to gods watching up above -if there’s any- that he would let her be here, in his arms for as long as it’s gonna be, even if she wanted to cry for another two years. He promised.


	2. Sunset

“Where shall we go for lunch today?” Se-chan asked after they got out of the lift. Dong-hoon started suggesting a few places, including a new place few minutes from here.

He was checking out his phone -searching for any notifications from her (none, by the way) when Se- chan turned to him. 

“Where do you wanna go, hyung?”

“Eh?” He hid his phone from them, startled as he didn’t really pay attention to what were they saying. 

“Lunch—“

“Ah, right! I’ll pass for today.”  
Dong-hoon squinted his already small eyes at him. “Why?”

He didn’t answer right away, glancing at the phone screen again. He sighed. “I—“

“You’re out yesterday and you wanna bail today too?” Dong-hoon continued hastily. “It’s because it’s your turn to pay, isn’t it? Ah, hyung! You earn more now, don’t be so thrifty—“

“Don’t be so loud, you rascal!” He looked around the lobby as he hit Dong-hoon’s head before that man could finish his sentence or protect himself, earning a laugh from Se-chan while Dong-hoon winced loudly.

“What’s wrong with you today, hyung? You weren't concentrating in the meeting either! Ms. Jin Young was so pretty today—she even sat in front of you, but you ignored her!” Dong-hoon ranted, still holding the place that got hit earlier.

“Ah, Ms. Jin Young... what wouldn’t I do to go out with her...” Se-chan sighed.

“Yah! Be careful! That’s Jong-kook hyung’s girl!” Dong-hoon pushed their junior playfully. Se-chan played along, apologised quickly and then they both giggled like the bunch of kids they weren't.

“Do you wanna die-“ he glared at Dong-hoon, raising his hand again. Dong-hoon hid behind Se-chan, using the kid who hadn’t stop laughing as a shield.

Dong-hoon wasn’t lying, though. He couldn’t focus throughout the meeting earlier, fidgeting the whole time. He looked at the screen and saw nothing but a blur image. He looked at the other side of the table but couldn’t make up their client names at the top of his head to start up a small talk. He even stuttered when answering questions from their client. Luckily, Se-chan came to the rescue and managed to explain it more smoothly.

When he said nothing more, Dong-hoon asked again. “Something bothering you, hyung?” 

Yes. He wished he could say that out loud.

“No. Nothing. I was just, um, tired.” He cleared his throat, afraid they could hear the truth behind his weak lie.

That rascal Dong-hoon sighed dramatically. “First, Ji-hyo’s sick. Now, you. If I didn’t know you guys any better, I’d say you two spent the night together.”

It’s a miracle that he didn’t actually choke on air due to Dong-hoon’s almost spot-on remark. He only laughed, a little too weakly for his own liking and became anxious again because Dong-hoon mentioned her name.

Is she gone? Is she still there? Is she mad? Is she confused? Did she remember what happened last night? What if she didn’t remember what happened last night? What if she didn’t realise she was at his home and thought that she got kidnapped and called the police? What if she did realise it but she thought he did something bad to her and then call the police?

“You’re really not going, hyung?” Se-chan asked, pulling him back to reality after he got lost in his own thoughts.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, sorry. Maybe next time.” Before they could protest again, he pat Se-chan’s back. “Good work today. You too, Dong-hoon.”

Dong-hoon sighed but said nothing more. Se-chan wished him a good weekend and he bid his farewell.

*****

He closed the door behind him and winced when the auto-lock door made a sound. Taking off his shoes and jacket, he heard no signs of movement from inside the house. He tip-toed to his bedroom door and instantly became disappointed after looking inside when she wasn’t there. His bed was tidy now -even the pillow and blanket that he used last night was neatly placed at the end of his bed.

She’s gone. He checked his phone again. Nothing. She left and said nothing. 

That’s kinda rude. 

To think that he actually refused to have lunch with Se-chan and Dong-hoon even though he was starving, just to get home early to check up on her, he felt pathetic.

Maybe it’s not too late to call Dong-hoon now—

“Oppa?” A small voice came from behind him made he jumped a little. “You’re home?”

“Jeez.” He exhaled, trying to calm his heart but seeing her in front of him, peaking from the kitchen, he knew it would be impossible. She’s still here. He wanted to smile but instead he cleared his throat. “Where did you come from?”

She remained quiet as she watched him walked to the living room, placing his bag on the couch. He turned to her again, only then realising that she’s actually leaving. Her bag was already on her shoulder and she was hugging her jacket.

“You—you’re leaving?”

She bit her lower lip.

He closed the gap between them. “You’re leaving? Without thanking me?”

“I—“  
She was about to say something but he gasped first when he noticed a bowl covered with aluminium foil on the dining table -clearly meant to be stored in the fridge. He removed the cover and squealed, “you made japchae-bap?!”

“...yes.”

His stomach grumbled. Without saying anything nor offering any to her, he grabbed a spoon and started eating. It’s so tasty. It’s not until the third spoon full of food, that he realised she’s still standing beside the fridge, watching him. 

“Yah! Sit down. Why are you standing there like a freak?”

She sat down in front of him reluctantly but not before getting him a glass of water.

“I can’t believe you’re actually leaving without saying thank you,” he complained with mouth full.

She sneered at his words. “What exactly am I supposed to thank you for?”

His small eyes widen in surprise. “You ungrateful brat. If it wasn’t for me, you would be sleeping on the street.”

“I have a home—“

He scoffed, dangerously close to accidentally spitting out his meal. “You can’t even stand last night, you know, let alone going home.”

She looked surprise, clearly couldn’t remember what happened last night. He couldn’t decide whether it’s a good thing or not, yet.

“Oppa..”

“What?”

“Why did you bring me to your home?”

He almost choked. He replied after chugging down some water, “I didn’t know where your new home is...”

“You could’ve ask!”

“You were unconscious! I tried to wake you up so many times but you didn’t even budge! How am I supposed to ask you anything—“ “Put me in a hotel, then!”

Upset that she kept complaining, he snapped. “You think after seeing you got drunk alone at night would make me willingly want to leave you at a hotel?! Who knew what would happened if I leave you alone again?! Wouldn’t you be more confused if you woke up in unfamiliar room-“

“Your room was unfamiliar to me too!”

“You’re the one who didn’t want to go home! You begged me to not take you home! You!”

It’s true. Last night, she pleaded for him to not to take her home.

“Oppa—can you not take me home? Please don’t send me home.” She whispered to his chest. “Please.”

“Where should I take you then?”

“Anywhere.” She replied between her sniffles. “I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”  
He breathed out then, pulling her even closer to his already drenched shirt. She didn’t say anything else, remained there while burying her face in his neck.

He gobbled up the rest of his food when she didn’t reply. He finished his drink and after saying thank you for the food out of habit, he slumped into his chair feeling relieved, thankful and full at the same time. Now, he could shift his focus entirely on her.

She looked vacant. He almost waved his hand in her face when she suddenly asked, “why won’t you wake me up this morning, then?”

“I told you. You were sleeping like you’re dead.”

A little lie wouldn’t hurt now, would it? To be honest, he didn’t even try to wake her up. She fell asleep in his car last night and she looked so tired that he didn’t have the heart to wake her up then. She looked barely alive and fragile that he’s actually afraid to carry her to his house, afraid that he’ll crush her on their way. But he did anyway, surprising the guard as he never really brought anyone - especially anyone unconscious- home before.

This morning, he left in a rush. He couldn’t sleep last night, kept turning and tossing on the couch. Then, he woke up late, decided it was too late to wake her up so he sneaked around to use the bathroom and suit up just to avoid waking her up. 

It was proven useless, anyway, as she didn’t even wake up when her loud alarm was ringing. He turned it off, a little scared that she slept through that but after checking that she’s actually breathing, he left and told both Dong-hoon and Se-chan she told him she’s sick. She was sick, in his defence, just not from a regular sickness.

Or maybe, he actually didn’t want her to wake up. If she wakes up, she’ll leave and he kinda love the idea that she’s here, in his lonely, lonely home. He loves the idea that she’s in his house, waiting for him. 

Oh, boy, he couldn’t sound more like a creep.

She stared out of the window while he stared at her. What happened last night flashed before him, made him dizzy, so he folded his arm on the table, leaning to her.

“Oppa-“

“Ji-hyo-“

They spoke at the same time.

“What?” He asked, not taking his eyes off her.

“No, oppa, you talk first.”

He took a deep breath. “Were you really leaving without saying thank you or goodbye?” He asked, even though his actual question was were you leaving me?

She rolled her eyes. “I cooked for you. Isn’t that enough as a thank you for you?”

“No,” he retorted back, making her shot him a venomous glare. “It’s common sense. When someone help you, you say thank you to their faces.”

“I was about to leave you a thank you note when I heard you came in—what’s the big deal anyway? I could say thank you in Monday!”

“A note? Yah! Say thank you to my face!”

“Ugh! Fine! Thank you!” She replied in annoyance. Her eyes were full of fire, looking like she’s ready to throw some punches. “Jeez..”

That’s not how he imagined her saying thank you but he knew that’s the best that he could get out of her for now, so he cracked up wide smile, annoying her even more. She didn’t say anything but he could almost hear her cursing under her breath.

“So, you were saying?”

She let out a heavy sigh and rested her back into the chair. Earlier, she was red with anger, but now, all of the sudden, she blushed. Deep furrows were visible in his brow as he tried to understand the sudden change in her.

“What is it?”

“Did—did something happened—did something happened last night? Between us? Did we—did we..” She couldn’t finish her sentence, red like a beet.

He almost bursted out laughing but him being him, he teased her. “Did we what?”

She closed her eyes and now, even her ears were red. “Please don’t make me say that.”

“Say what?”

“Ah, oppa!” She whined.

He couldn’t held back his laughter anymore. She opened her eyes, glaring at him with a clear murderous intent.

“Well? Did we?”

“If we did, you would remember.” He smirked when he replied. His tone was different, however. It’s low, unfamiliar, almost suggesting and somehow made her blush in even darker shade of red. He realised that maybe he went too far, so he muttered, “relax, Ji-hyo. I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t let us do that. Not without you knowing.”

And she did relax. 

*****

Her new house was a rooftop house. It looked like nothing more than small box in a rooftop -with spacious outside area complete with a small garden where a bench was placed- but when he walked in, her house felt more like a home than his. He felt warm even though the heater wasn’t on. Maybe it’s because it’s her space. He smiled when she looked back at him again before going into the bathroom.

“What?”

“Nothing—it’s just weird. That chair seems too small for you.”

He laughed and moved around playfully on his chair. “No. I think it’s fine.”

She clenched her jaw, nervous that her chair would actually break because of him.

“I’ll stop.” He put both of his hands up and she’s not moving to check on him, he chased her away. “Hurry up!”

She followed hesitantly.

He couldn’t stop smiling. Not since she agreed to go hiking with him. It’s not without resistance, of course, he practically threatened her just to let him take her home.

“Go where?” She couldn’t believe what she heard.

“Hiking. H, i, k, i, n—“

“Why would I go hiking with you?” She cut before he could finish spelling.

“Why not?"

“Just the two of us?”

He rolled his eyes. “You said it like we never went out with just the two of us.”

“It’s not that—“

He folded his arms to his chest. “Remember when you said that you want to give me a gift and you’ll think of something. Well, this is me giving me you idea.”

“Go hiking as a gift?”

“A perfect gift for me. I’ll love it.”

She jumped out of her chair, pacing in the kitchen. “But I—I haven’t showered since yesterday morning -and, and I couldn’t go hiking wearing this!” She pointed to her whole body.

“I see no problem in that?” He replied, gazing at her without emotion, almost looking like he’s bored.

She widened her eyes with his reply. “I have to go home, take a shower, and then change to something more appropriate to go hiking!” She listed it all out, probably wishing he would think that it’s too much work and he’ll gave up. She’s wrong. It’s her. He would never gave up.

So, he stood up too. “Is that a yes?”

She was flustered. “That’s not what I said!”

“That’s what I heard,” he replied sweetly. “Wait here! I’ll go change!”

“Oppa! You know what— I’ll just go. See you Monday!”

He scoffed. “My door need PIN number to go in and out, Ji-hyo. Good luck finding it out!” He heard her cursing as he walked away to his bedroom, chuckling.

He went outside to wait, figured he should give her some privacy as her bedroom were separated from the kitchen (where he sat earlier) with only a thin wall and can-see-through glass door. He sat on the bench outside, almost fell asleep because how calm he felt right now, when he heard her front door opened.

He swore to heaven and all creatures living there -if those kind of things exist- that there are nothing, and he meant absolutely nothing, more attractive than her in her soft pink windbreaker and a short in the same colour, layered with a black legging, mirroring his all-black outfit.

“I thought we’re in a hurry,” she commented when he didn’t move. Without even trying to reply to her, he marched away while blushing. He never looked at her again, not when it’s possible for her to caught him anyway, and the car ride to their destination was so quiet that he pretty sure even her could hear his heart thumping.

Even the initial hike was in total silence but as the scenery got better as they got higher, the silence between them eased in, with her always tapping on his arm to look at something she thought was amazing and him cracking a few jokes.

He led the way at first, often holding out his hand to help her even though the biggest obstacle in their hiking course were probably a few uneven cemented area. Still, she took his hand. It could be out of respect, or out of habit, or she actually needed him to drag her as the pathway got steeper, yet it made his heart felt full.

“Your hand is cold, oppa,” she said as she took out a pair of gloves from her pocket. 

“You sure it isn’t your hand that’s cold?”

“My hands are always cold. Yours are warm. So when I feel cold touching you, it means you’re cold.” Her face showed no emotion when saying that but the wholesomeness of her words, touched him deeply. He wanted to smile and cry at the same time.

“Since you’re always cold-“ he put her hand between his large hands, trying to make it warm, “-you wear them.”

He could hear her smile when she said, “no. You know what? Let’s just be cold together.”

They continued their hike, sometimes hand in hand, some other times not -because she enjoyed taking pictures of scenery and he loved taking selfies- but often side by side. They never stop but they hiked at a slower pace as they weren’t exactly rushing either.

They reached the peak after 45 minutes, just as the sky turned yellow, giving out sign that the sun would disappear, passing his turn to the moon. She leaned on the rail, taking in even colder air up there, letting it kissed her face and played with her hair. She gazed down upon the sight of the city, her city, that always busy, packed and cruel, and realised that it could be beautiful, when she looked at it in a different perspective.

He, however, was fixated on another beauty. He considered taking her picture sneakily, for his keeping, but he doubted his camera could capture how her glowing skin bathed in the sunset light, how her faded pink cheek and her even more pink lips sometimes moved in unique ways when she talked or smiled, or how some of her loose hair dangled, swaying along with the whispering wind, almost as if they were dancing or how her eyes now subtly showing a different emotion. He was just thankful his eyes could see this. He was lucky.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” An older woman greeted her. She was surprised at first but immediately replied her smile. “I could never grew tired of this.”

“Are you always here?” He asked after greeting her.

“Oh, no, no, my feet—they’re weaker now. I could only do this once a year, if I’m a healthy, on a special day,” That older woman claimed. She looked fit for her age.

“Is today a special day, then?”

That older woman nodded at her question. “Today is my late husband’s birthday. We always came here to celebrate him. After he died, I came with my son.” She pointed at one man who nodded at them in return.

She smiled softly at her, holding out her hand to reach hers. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Oh, please don’t. We’ve been together for so long. He never really left, he’s always here, watching over. Just like how you two gonna be.”

He didn’t deny it, the assumption of the elder woman, and for some strange reasons, she didn’t either. Instead, she said thank you. That woman touched her face, probably in awe with her beauty like him, and said, “appreciate each other. You never know how much time you have left with them.”

They bowed and thanked her together. After saying “don’t stay here for too long. It gets darker at night,” she left with her son.

“How nice,” she mumbled. He hummed in agreement.  
They moved to a free bench nearby, but instead of sitting on it, she sat on the ground. He blinked at her, confused. 

She giggled. “I need a place to set up my phone. I need to do a time lapse for this sunset.”

“Oh, can I be in it?”

“What?" She couldn't believe her ears. "You wanna stand there for more than five minutes?”

“I could sit.”

She chuckled. “Do whatever you want. Just don’t block the sun.”

“I’m big but not that big.”

She blushed at the possibility of his words having double meaning and as much as he wanted to die, he remained indifferent.

“That was such a beautiful advice, don’t you think, oppa?” She said all of a sudden. “Like, we really don’t know how much time we had left. We could be gone the next hour. They could be gone. It’s scary.”  
He nodded along.

“If I could rewind time, I would.” She sighed.

“I wouldn’t.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“I’m pretty happy of how things turned out, so far.”

She smiled weakly. “That’s so great that you could think that, oppa. I’m kind of jealous.”

He looked up at flock of birds that flew above them. “Don’t be jealous, Ji-hyo,” he uttered, “be like me.”

She ended up scoffing. “I don’t wanna be you. I wanna be me. I’m happy being me. It’s just that, there are some memories that I wish I could relive again. There are some people that I wish I could meet again.”

He looked back down, staring at her. That pain in her eyes appeared again. “It’s better to move on, Ji- hyo. There’s no good in turning back time. You just have to accept it and move on. You just have to grow.”

She swallowed. Hard.

“Sometimes, it’s better for some people to be gone.”

“Oppa-“ she breathed in deep, reading where their discussion was going, “-stop. Hee-geon oppa is a nice man.”

Oh, the words she just said weren’t good for his anger. He almost punched something. Pissed off, he laughed dryly. “You have a very weird definition of nice, then, Ji-hyo.”

She exhaled loudly. “He is! He made me laugh.”

“Oh! Is that reason why you’re marrying him? ‘Cause he made you laugh? Kwang-soo made you laugh. Dong-hoon made you laugh. Even Suk-jin hyung made you laugh. Are you going to marry them too?”

“You’re being ridiculous, now, oppa—“

“Am I? Marrying someone because they made you laugh is even more ridiculous, I think.” He sneered bitterly. “If you want to marry someone who’s gonna make you laugh all the time, marry a comedian!”

She clenched her teeth, looking at him as if she was ready to pounce. “You’re think you’re funny, but you’re not so...”

“So you’re not going to marry me.” He shrugged. “I get it.”

She cursed at him, throwing a handful of dirt towards him but not only that they failed to reach him, the wind blew the dirt back to her. She squealed, moving away frantically. He bursted out laughing and after some time, she laughed too.

The air between them turned serious again after they finished laughing at themselves. 

“Do you regret it, then?” He asked, hoping that he didn’t go too far with this question, but he was curious. “Cancelling the wedding?”

She didn’t get mad. She just looked past him, probably thinking the best way to answer him, or just whether she should answer him at all. Yet, she did.

“It’s wasn’t up to me, actually. He told my parents what happened and my parents cancelled it off.”

He’s in pain when he asked again, “wouldn’t you, then? If he told only you, you wouldn’t cancel the wedding?”

“I would. I still would. Just probably not at fast. Probably after I met that woman and actually see with my own eyes that she’s carrying his baby.” She teared up but when she saw his concern, she smiled, trying hard to not to cry as she continued her story. “Hee-geun oppa told me that he must be responsible. He’s the father. So, I knew, that it’s not just he’s not gonna marry me, he’s gonna marry her, instead.”

“Are they married?”

“I guess.” She raised her shoulder casually but he knew her heart was heavy. “I didn’t really check up on him after all of this. They must’ve been, right? She would be six months pregnant now—“

Her voice lost its steadiness at the end of her sentences. He wanted to get up, walked to her and got her into his arms again just like last night, so that she could forget or at least, if she couldn’t, she knew that she has him. 

She’s the one who got up first, eventually, walking to him, walking into the frame officially and he followed. They stood there, gazing to the very last few moments of sunset before it got dark, side by side.

“It’s so crazy, how time passed so fast, that for a moment he’s my fiancé and then the next, he’s gonna be a father, and it’s not even with me,” she whispered but he could hear her loud and clear. She leaned on his broad shoulder, probably looking for a support, and stayed there.

She sounded hopeless when she said, “it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Like he couldn’t sleep with me. Like he couldn’t make me pregnant because why else would he be in bed with another woman? It made me questioned, was he sleeping with her after he slept with me? When he kissed her, could she taste me? Was I tasting her? Were they—“

It’s not until he interrupted her by saying, “that’s enough, Ji-hyo.” It’s not until he put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her into his embrace, that she started crying. Unlike yesterday, she’s crying in silent this time but somehow, that crushed his heart even more. He sighed into the top of her head.

He was furious. He swore he was. He imagined so many ways to destroy that man, but when he felt her face pressed again his chest and her arms behind his back, hugging him just as tight, he couldn’t think about anything but how to make her feel enough again. How to make her feel that she’s loved again. Hell, he desperately want to work on how to make her know that she’s more than enough, that she could be anything and everything.

“I want to be happy again, oppa.”

As he gazed into the sky, he put his chin on top of her head and said, this time loudly -so that her, the whole sky, the whole city and everything in between, could hear him and be his witness, “I swear I’ll make you happy again, Ji-hyo. I swear.”


	3. Cloud

She exhaled delightfully as she munched on the well-done meat, overwhelmed by the taste of it on her tongue.

“Is it good?” He asked with a smile, amused by her reaction.

She nodded, taking another piece of meat to wrap it in a lettuce leaf, along with some rice and kimchi. Her mouth then opened wide to stuff them in. It must’ve been so good as she did a little dance while she chewed.

“That dance,” he commented, “is that attitude leaving your body?”

She shot him a glare while chewing intensely, probably imagining that she’s chewing on him. “Oh, come on! You can’t still be mad at me!”

“I can’t believe you lied to me!” She pointed at him with her chopsticks, her accusing tone was obvious.

He giggled. “Can’t believe you actually believed me.” 

“How am I supposed to know that—“

“I don’t think there’s ever a door that advanced anywhere.” He titled his head, smiling cutely to taunt her. 

On their away here, she realised that he was actually lying about his door needing pin number to go out, a lie he told to stop her from leaving earlier. It’s an auto-lock door, but it can be easily opened from the inside. 

“Jeez, Ji-hyo, our company is in deep trouble if you’re this stupid.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know how bad I am with technology. Last time I went to your house, you could change the colour of your lights with just your phone. I won’t be surprised if you have that kind of door, since you’re living a fancy life now that you got promoted, in a fancy house, with that big windows of yours-“

“What are you talking about?” He chuckled. “I live in the same house for more than 10 years. It’s the same house before I got promoted!”

She took the turn to let out a giggle. “Why would you need that kind of door anyway? Just use regular door like a regular person, you nerd.”

He shrugged, didn’t want to admit that he used to forget to lock his door so often that he couldn’t count how many times he slept with his front door unlocked. He was lucky that no one barged in, but he pretty sure he’ll ran out of luck if he just ignored it. That auto-lock door was the best thing about his house, hands down.

“Just admit that you actually wanted to go hiking with me, Ji-hyo.” Her eyes widened in shock at his sudden remark. He laughed, covering the fact that he himself was surprised with his brazen conclusion. He continued, raising his eyebrows at her, “you could’ve check the door while I change but you didn’t. Clearly-“

“Yeah, okay, keep telling yourself that, Kim Jong-kook. If it’ll help you to sleep at night, I won’t mind. Don’t hold back.”

Her snarky reply made him actually howled. He made another remark about how she really should’ve keep up with technology and not continue living as a cavewoman. She pouted at him (and he almost leaped out of his chair to pinch her cheeks), saying that she’d rather actually living in a cave than learning about complicated things.

The back and forth banter between them continued until they finished their food. She was the first to put her chopsticks on the table, thanking for her food while exhaling loudly.

“Isn’t life wonderful?” He asked, grinning widely at her as he finished his meal too, earning another scoff from her.

Instead of answering, she blurted out a suggestion. “Oppa. Let’s order some beer.” 

“No, no, no-“

“Why not?” She pouted again. It’s rather fortunate that he got a will of steel, or he’d already lost the argument by then.

“You already drank beer last night-“

“Okay! Soju, then!” She tapped her hand on table as if they already decided and then quickly raised her hand to call on the waiter.

“Ji-hyo! No!” He half-shouted as he grabbed her wrist to take her hand down. “No alcohol!” 

She pulled her hand away almost as fast. “I thought you wanted to me to move on?!”

“Not by destroying your liver!”

“Oh, give me a break already!” She whined. “I was supposed to be on my way to my honeymoon now, making out with my husband on the plane or something, but here I am, eating bulgogi with the most annoying man on earth—and I can’t even drink to forget all of this!”

He clenched his jaw, deciding whether he should take offence of her words. There were so many points that triggered him, from honeymoon to making out to the most annoying man on earth (him? Well, he knows that too, but how could she said it out loud so casually? He even paid for their food —), but he decided not too, eventually, as he knew that she said it from the place of anger and he really shouldn’t fight fire with more fire to win.

He’s actually glad that he didn’t reply maliciously because her next tone was different and he got scared for a second that she’s gonna start crying again.

“I just want to forget...” She looked exhausted as she said it, slumping deeper into her chair.

“I know, Ji-hyo.” He rubbed his neck, echoing her weariness in his voice. “But alcohol is not the answer. Let’s not drink to forget. At least, not two nights in a row.”

“Other people drink every single day-“

“Well, other people don’t have me by their side, don’t they?!”

She snorted loudly this time, looking at him up and down, showing her disapproval clearly. “What, you’re my life coach or something now?”

“I’m your good companion, Ji-hyo!” He extended his arms and stomped his foot under the table just to prove his point.

She actually laughed out loud this time, and he wasn’t sure if she was laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of his words or in disbelief of how persistent he could be or if she thought that whatever conversation they’re having currently was actually funny, but at least she was laughing and it’s a good thing.

“Well, my good companion-“ she played along, “do you have any other suggestions?” He stood up as an answer, startling her. “Besides drinking? I have plenty.”

When she only blinked confusedly at him, he took her hand and dragged her out while muttering, “trust me, Ji-hyo.”

*****

“An arcade?!” She sounded pissed as he parked his car in front of their destination. “Might as well just take me home, oppa. Jeez.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with an arcade?!” He unfastened his seatbelt and when she refused to even move, he unfastened hers as well.

“We’re not in our 20s anymore. You’re 40 something now, and I’m nearly 40!” She whined. Still, she got out the car, following him.

“What’s that have to do with us going to arcade?! Fun has no age limit!”

He led the way, as always, taking her hand again when crossing the road. She pulled it away so fast that he nearly suffered from a mental breakdown because he was sure that she had enough of him holding her hands, but as he felt she linked her arm with his, he could breath again.

“Ah, oppa—let’s just go gambling instead.” She protested again by trying to drag him away from their actual direction. “I’m sure we’ll find something around here—“

She failed, of course, and gave up immediately as it felt like she was dragging a mountain.

“No, Ji-hyo-“ he put his free hand on her hand that were still grabbing onto his arm, patting it, “you’ll love this place, I promise.”

She responded with a sigh. But, he didn’t lie. Oh, no, he wasn’t lying at all. Soon after they entered the basement arcade, she gasped. “They have archery?! I have always wanted to try archery!"

“Not just archery, Ji-hyo,” he put his hand around her shoulder and pointed to one area, “they have shooting range.”

She gasped again. Her eyes sparkled with excitement. She turned towards him, still in his arm, looking at him with puppy eyes. “Oppa..”

“Of course we gonna try the shooting range first!” He grinned wide and proud, knowing that his plan was a success even before they start. She bounced around with a wide smile before taking his hand, leading the way this time.

Entering the shooting range felt surreal to them. As they walked into the waiting room from which they could see the shooting booths, their mouths were wide opened, looking at the sight in from of them in awe.

After being asked about their age, health problems and consent, they were given a brief explanation on their shooting sessions. They were shown the variety of guns that they could choose from and she kept grabbing his arm to mention trivial things that got her all exhilarated. “Those are actual guns!” She squealed and then when the trainer brought up a box of bullets, she gasped loudly, saying, “those are actual bullets! Oh my god!”

It was every bit of reaction that he expected from her and he found himself enjoying it a little too much- looking at her, listening to her, giving reaction that matched her enthusiasm. They settled with a beginner level 9mm handgun, widely used by regular police officers, a Category A gun as their trainer called it, but he noticed she glanced over at their collection of rifles as well. He pushed her shoulder with his shoulder, shaking his head to stop whatever idea she had on her brain. She stuck out her tongue as a reply.

They both had the same trainer, so he would go first and she would wait in here. He put on a special jacket and glove to protect own skin from gunpowder, special eye protection and cancelling-sound headphones as PPE.

As he walked to the booth, he turned to her who was watching him from behind the glass. She put both her thumbs up. He nodded and smiled nervously, putting his thumbs up too, before looking at the coach, giving the man a signal to start. He learned the perfect stance to shoot and how to actually shoot in a instant, then he focused up, squinted his eyes at the target and started shooting. It was over before he knew it, his heart racing every time the gun shook in his hand, recoiling after releasing every bullet. 

He felt like he was in a movie.

He put his hand on his chest, still filled with adrenaline, as he walked back into the glass room. She cheered for him at the door, already geared up and ready. She was clearly excited, as she was skipping to the booth. He could only mouthed “good luck” (as the only thing he could hear was the echo of gunshots when he spoke) when she waved at him before she go.

He watched her went through the same steps that he did, took a stance and adjusted her focus. As if she couldn’t be any cooler, as if she couldn’t be more attractive in his eyes, she finished her session with such grace that he would volunteer to be shot by her. 

Oh, he actually is going crazy. 

That kind of attractiveness shouldn't be allowed in public. She should be in actual movies or paintings or something where people could actually experience what he experienced right now.

Her eyes were still wide as she entered the waiting room and she actually couldn’t speak to him without screaming. She was showing her still shaking hand when their trainer came and announced their results.

“You hit the center three times!” That man said while patting his back. She linked her arm with his, patting his shoulder repeatedly and praised him. He squeaked excitedly, but when the trainer announced hers, both of them gasped so loud that she had to cover her mouth.

“Five hits! On the first try! That’s so amazing!”

He pretty sure she didn’t listen when the trainer complimented her as she rushed to him while shouting excitedly, linking her arms around his neck, hugging him. 

It was so sudden, it took him by surprise that he had to hold her tight to keep them steady. His already calm heart started to race again as he could hear her breath at his ear. She jumped around a few times, pulling away after a few seconds and he had to clench his fists so hard just to make sure he himself wouldn’t crush to the ground.

After thanking the trainer and collecting their shooting target paper as souvenirs, they left the shooting range with hearts full of new memories.

“What?” She asked when she caught him staring as they stopped to rest at the resting area. She really couldn’t blame him. She’s the one who sat in front of him, it was as if she was begging to be stared at.

He cleared his throat, making sure that he wasn’t gonna shriek when he tried to talk and covering his embarrassment at the same time. 

“It wasn’t your first time, isn’t it? You came here before, haven’t you, Ji-hyo?”

She bursted out laughing. “No, oppa-“

“How could you hit the target 5 times on your first time?! Are you an assassin? Are you a spy? Do you have other identities?

“No!” She denied it furiously as he wouldn’t stop teasing her. “Although, I might come again tomorrow night...”  
He laughed at her quiet response. “Are you trying to kill someone?”

“...yes.” Her voice was even quieter now, but he saw playfulness in her eyes.

“That’s not allowed, Ji-hyo.” He said it seriously, as if she didn’t know that, as if his heart wasn’t feeling warm as he realised that she was genuinely being playful. He did it. Tonight, his plan made her felt that. He made her felt that.

She grinned cheekily when she replied to him. “How else would I have my revenge, then?”

“Get married with someone. Go get pregnant. That’ll show him.” He said it nonchalantly, pretending that his heart wasn’t racing when those words came out of his mouth.

“Ah, oppa. Where could I find myself a man to marry?”

His heart grew even warmer as she wasn’t offended by his jokes. To think that she used to look away in pain when they mentioned something about marriage, and now she actually went along with it, even putting herself as the butt of the joke, he couldn’t help but felt proud at her progress.

“No one you could think of?” 

“No.” She shook her head. 

“Marry me, then.”

They went silent for a moment, staring at each other eyes. He swallowed hard, starting to worry, but she laughed. 

“Should we do that? Would you marry me then, oppa? Would you get me pregnant?”

He was the first one to look away, blushing. How could she said that?

Still, he pressed on. “In a heartbeat.” His tone was a little too serious, even at his own ears. He was joking earlier, clearly, but for her to not even consider to take it seriously and took it as a joke as well, somehow, hurt him. She didn’t even look fazed with his suggestion. Have she ever considered that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t kidding at all? Judging his own reaction, now, he wondered if he ever was.

“You joked around too much, oppa.” That’s the only thing she said before getting up and walked away  
from him.

He sighed out of frustration.

They tried archery next but failed miserably because it turned out it took more than rush in the blood to do archery. It needed skill, practice, time and they were too exhausted to provide all that. They settled with a punching machine as their last fun for tonight before calling it a wrap.

She tried first, swinging her fist with all her might, getting a score of whooping 385. He cheered and they high-fived. Then, it was his turn. He didn’t hesitate, he swinged so fast, hitting the bag with such pure strength that the machine actually shook after receiving his punch. The score kept going higher and higher until it stopped at 829.

“Holy f—“ She screamed. “How could I beat that?!” She turned away from him suddenly and started shouting, “can anyone check if this machine still can be used? I’m pretty sure it’s broken—“

He covered her mouth with his hand to stop her from drawing anymore attention to them, muffling her laughter that caused him to laugh too. And they couldn’t stop laughing, not even when he dragged her out of the arcade. Not until they got into his car and her phone rang.

He got annoyed, at her cheeky smile that appeared when she looked at her screen, more than he was annoyed at the call that disturbed the bright atmosphere between them in the first place.

“Yes, Se-chan?” She answered.

He threw her a side-glance. Why the hell would Se-chan called her at this hour? It’s almost 1 AM-

“I’ll get it for you. Tomorrow?” She paused. “Sure. Can it be in the evening, though? I plan to wake up late tomorrow.” She laughed at her own words.

He could hear Se-chan’s laugh from the other end of the line and somehow it made him even more annoyed.

She glanced at him, biting her lower lip. “Oh, no, I’m not doing anything now. Just hanging around.” She sent an apologising look to him as she told her lie smoothly.

He actually didn’t mind it. It’s probably for the best that the others don’t know about the weirdest yet the best Saturday (at least for him) that they had. It’s probably better to keep it as a secret from everyone first. It’s probably good, to not have others questioning or putting their heads where they shouldn’t, not because he refused to share, but because he himself wouldn’t be able to explain it, if they indeed ask. It’s complicated and she seemed to think the same thing.

“Se-chan?” He asked when she hung up.

She hummed as an answer.

“Wasn’t it a little late to call you?”

She just shrugged. “I guess he waited for So-min to fall asleep first before calling me. After all, we’re planning this for her.”

“You’re still doing it— wait!” His voice rose up as he realised something. “Se-chan and So-min— they live together?!”

“No.” She giggled. “They’re just spending weekend together, as a couple would do.”

“Oh. Right.” He agreed, refraining himself from saying that they too did just that today. “So you’re still doing it? Helping Se-chan?”

She turned her eyes from the road to him. “Yes. I know you didn’t approve of it but I think I need to help them.”

“Why?”

“It makes them happy!” 

“Ji-hyo-“

“—And it’ll make me happy too. Because I could help. Maybe it’ll be a little uncomfortable because how they are, you know, how open they are to everyone—in front of everyone, but I guess, I’ll take being a little uncomfortable any day... than being alone.”

Her reasoning made sense so he didn’t say anything. After all, it’s her decision. He could draw the lines as much as he wanted, he could throw suggestions as much as he wanted, he could give out advices like there’s no tomorrow, but at the end, it’s her choice. She’s free to do whatever she wanted to. And maybe she’s right. Maybe a distraction wouldn’t do her any harm.

“It’s not that bad. Se-chan is sweet. So-min is even sweeter. It’s hard to handle both of them together but as I only have to deal with one of them when planning this, it’ll be just fine.”

They arrived at her home after a few silent minutes. She felt asleep for a while but as he took the last turn before her house, she woke up, saving him from the needs to consider whether to wake her up or carrying her upstairs. 

He walked her to her front door, even with her protest.

“About what you said earlier, about making people around you happy makes you happy too...” he started as they reached the top stair.

“Yeah?”

“Am I included in the list?”

“Eh?” She stopped in front of her door, causing him to stop too.

“Will you help me too? To make me happy?”

She looked at him, wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. He’s not. So she said, “well, if I can do it, I will.”

He smiled softly as he took his phone out, tapping on it a several times. “I’m sure you can do this.” 

“Yeah?” She blinked in confusion. “What-“

Her phone beeped. She eyed him, before checking it out and became confused as it was actually a text from him. She opened it and looked at him again, even more perplexed than before. “What— what is this?”

“It’s a cloud emoji.”

“No, I know that—but why did you—“

“My request is simple, really.” His heart was beating so fast that it’s actually a miracle that he could said it calmly. “If you ever need anything, if you need my help, if you need me, if it’s just too hard— or too long to explain using a text or if you couldn’t call, just text me a cloud emoji.”

She didn’t reply so he continued. “Even if it’s a small thing. Even if you think it’s irrelevant—“ 

“But-but why cloud?”

“No particular reason.”

“Oppa—“

“It’ll be like a secret code, something that only you and I could understand.”

She went silent, staring at him, probably making sure he was serious. He smiled as she was actually surprised that he was.

“I’ll go to you. I’ll come, as fast as I can.”

She exhaled. “I—“

“Please. It’ll make me so happy.”

She breathed in, almost as loud as when she exhaled earlier, looking at her phone screen and then him. Her eyes started to tear up, but she bit her lower lips to fight it off.

“Of course. Of course, I’ll help you.”

He sighed, feeling more relieved. She was still staring at him. There were so many emotions in her eyes. There were satisfaction, exhaustion, worry, maybe touched but he noticed something even more prominent, which was confusion. Probably at why he was doing this or why she agreed to him doing this.

He wanted to take her hands again, holding it between his hands, telling her that it’s okay. It’s okay to not understand it now, because he wasn’t ready to tell her and she wasn’t ready to hear it from him. It’s crazy but it’s okay. It’ll be okay.

He wanted to embrace her again, chasing her worry away. He even wanted to kiss her, as crazy as it would be, but he knew that it’ll be too much, that it’ll be something that one of them would regret tomorrow morning, so he just smiled, told her to take care and walked away as fast as he can, almost as if he was running, before she could even react or reply. He actually ran down the stairs to his car, knowing even though he couldn’t outrun his own feelings, at least for now, he could outrun her.


	4. Left Unsaid

He groaned when he got up from his bed. His whole body was aching, some parts were worse than the others. Maybe going to the gym after you just got better from a fever when you’re back from overseas was not such a good idea.

Singapore was beautiful. Good food, good people, good place and -can you believe it?- it’s summer all year round there. His five days business trip there were magical. After working hours, he went out with shorts and muscle tee everywhere. Even Manager Yoo who went with him for this business trip, tagged along and they went everywhere together like a couple of besties.

He might’ve enjoyed it a bit too much, so much so that he forgot it’s autumn back home. The difference in temperature made him collapsed, forcing him to stay in bed for two days straight after touched down, and at home even longer, even though he missed his office, he missed everyone in the office, and he missed someone in particular more.

Someone, who didn’t contact him at all while he’s gone. Someone, who he pretty sure knew he’s sick but didn’t bother to check up on him. Someone, who he wanted to call so bad to tell her that the place he visited was awesome and he wished she’d be there with him but he didn’t because his last sense of pride wouldn’t let him.

And the fact that she didn’t have any social media account for him to follow (read: stalk) drove him to the brink of insanity. He couldn’t check on her, on what she’d been doing, on what even happened to her for a whole week and he had to swallow it bitterly.

He knew that she’s not the type of person who would be in contact with anyone all the time. He knew that she loves her own quiet time. He knew that she loves her peace of mind and that’s the reason why she wasn’t really into the idea of internet and virtual networking.

Still, she could’ve just text him. Just one text, just “you’re back?” or “are you okay” or “how you’ve been” or “i heard you’re sick? Get well soon, oppa” or “i miss you”. He might never receive the last one, ever, but a simple “hey” would’ve made his day. It would’ve made him better faster, for sure. 

But, nothing. Not even their ‘secret code’ cloud emoji.

This weekend felt lonely, he spent almost the whole day going to gym, doing his routine and burning down all the fats from the food he inhaled during his trip. Oh, it sure felt lonely, alright, especially after he had been spending all his weekends last month with her.

After the first weekend they spent hiking (and hugging when she was crying) and going crazy in the shooting range, the very next Tuesday, he went and sat on her table shamelessly.

“What is this?” She asked, holding up the pamphlet he put on her table.

“You said you wanted to beat me when we used the punching machine in the arcade, so I’m taking you to a boxing class.”

She snorted in disbelief. She slumped on her chair, scamming through the pamphlet and then looked at him. “Pretty sure I said ‘how could I beat that?’ that day.”

“This,” he replied, pointing at the pamphlet on her hand, “this is how you could beat-“ he pointed at his fist, “this.”

She pursed her lips, doubting on his statement without saying anything.

“And I did remember you wanted to shoot someone and I said that it’s illegal. But this-“

“I’m pretty sure beating someone up is illegal too.”

“Eh-“ he shrugged his shoulders, “-slightly less illegal.”

“Of course you would say that! You beat some one every single day.” Her laughter filled the air between them, causing his lips to form a smile as well.

“How did I do that, you might ask-“

“I never ask.”

“—well, this is how.” He touched pamphlet again.

She didn’t reply, swinging her chair left and right while looking at the pamphlet with a smile that he knew too well that needed just a little bit more convincing words from him.

“It’s a private lesson. It’ll be just me, you and a coach. And I know the coach personally-and he’s good. I promise.”

She said nothing after that, which was not a definitive ‘no’ to him, so on Sunday afternoon, he picked her up. The coach, one of his oldest and closest friend, the one who actually taught him to box, Gap- jin, waited at the front door to greet them.

“This is the one, huh?” Gap-jin pushed his shoulder lightly as they both walked in. He sent a murderous glare at him and that man shut up instantly, putting both of his hands up, backing away slowly.

She looked at him in wonder of Gap-jin’s words, but he managed to distract her by showing her around the room. It’s fortunate that she was easily distracted, went around with awe in her eyes, looking at every single thing Gap-jin presented to her.

Without any delay, Gap-jin picked boxing gloves for her and ask them to enter the ring. He brought her a helmet, but didn’t ask her to put it on, as it was “smelly with old men sweat” according to him and their session today didn’t require her to wear one.

“I suggest you buy your own shoes- boxing shoes- if you’re actually thinking to be into this. Shoes are important, ya know, cause it gives your support. Boxing requires speed, agility and of course, power. To support your body perfectly, you need good shoes.” Gap-jin explained. “But, of course, before you buy it, you must know which type of fighter you are. Speed or power. Then, you can choose which shoes to support you better.”

She glanced at both of large build men in front of her, a little intimidated to say the least and said, almost wearily, “pretty sure I’m neither.”

Gap-jin laughed, giving a look of “oh she got humour” to him, but he ignored him.

“What about him? What type of fighter is he?” She pointed at him suddenly.

“Oh, our Jong-kook?” Gap-jin smirked. “What do you think he is?” He threw the question back at her.

“I really want to say neither too but I saw him throwing punches before and it’s just— I’d say, power.”

“Eh, maybe, but he’s out of the game for so long, never really come down here anymore-“

“Oh, come on, I’m busy!” He punched Gap-jin on the shoulder playfully.

“—so I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Maybe he’s neither.”

She laughed, nodding her head a few times but at the same time, quickly defended him, “he’s right. He’s busy.”

“Busy with you?”

Gap-jin’s out-of-nowhere question stunned her. 

Panicking, he nearly threw a punch at that man for real tbut she chuckled, casually replied to him. “No. With his work. He got promoted so he’s busy all the time.”

“Ah, our Jong-kook never change.” Gap-jin turned to him. “This is why you’re still single, ya know?”

“Stop it, you—“ he pushed him hard this time. Gap-jin only laughed and not long after that, her training began.

Gap-jin was the coach. Gap-jin was supposed to be her coach, but somehow, he was the one who said the most. He was the one who put his hands on her shoulder to straighten it up. He was the one who pushed her legs opened so that she would know the most stable stance.

“Your feet must be one feet and half or two feet apart all the time or just a little wider from your shoulder. Knees a little bent.” He instructed, “both of hands up.” She followed. “Dominant hand in the rear. Chin tucked-“ he pushed her chin slightly, without any resistance from her and he ended it with a casual tone, saying, “beautiful.”

She glanced at Gap-jin who raised his shoulder.

“What? I’m right, right? This is how it is.” He noticed the exchanged looks between them.

“No, yeah, of course it’s right.” Gap-jin convinced him. “I was just thinking that maybe next time I should just leave this place open so you can do this with just the two of you.”

He rolled his eyes while she giggled.

“No, honestly, though, I’m- I’m thinking about retiring for so long but I couldn’t because I don’t have any replacement. Now, however, I could just leave it to you and retired and travel around Europe with my wife!”

“Ooh—part time job for you, oppa!” She played along. Gap-jin’s smile widened and they high-fived, succeeded in annoying him.

“Okay, okay, I got it. You’re the teacher.” He backed away. “You take it away, then.”

“Sensitive, isn’t he?” Gap-jin asked while moving towards her, taking the lead now. He moved to the side, watching them.

“He’s old.” She shrugged her shoulders. “He got cranky if you wouldn’t let him nag.” 

“Does he now-“

“Back to the training now, people!” He half-shouted at them, feeling annoyed that they talked about him as if he wasn’t there and a little jealous that they seemed to get close fast, just by taunting him. He pretty sure she said she’s awkward around stranger, once. Look at her now, sharing a laugh with Gap-jin.

Nevertheless, the training continued. Gap-jin’s instruction were pretty much the same as his, but more detailed. 

“Imagine like you’re a puppet and you’re bound by strings. When you left hand moves, your left foot moves as well. We call it, stepping in.”

She nodded, moving her left and right limbs one at the time.

“Can you try punching me?” Gap-jin put both his hands up. “Your left to my left hand, right to my right hand.”

“Jab cross.” She whispered, maybe to herself, but Gap-jin could hear her. 

“Jab cross, that’s right!” He praised her. “Now, try.”

She did, hesitating and a little wobbly.

“That’s good. More power this time.”

Second try, still wobbly, so he stepped in. “You have to put your weight at the front of your foot, not the heel.”

“Oh, like this?” She lifted her heels slightly. “Like wearing heels?”

“You don’t have to lift them up. Just put your weight on the balls of your feet, not your heel. Because if you’re on your heel, you’re not stable. Your opponent can just dodge then push you to the ground.”

“Okay, okay.” She tried again without any cue from Gap-jin.

“Perfect!” Gap-jin cheered, while he settled with, “see? Much better?” 

She grinned widely at both at them, satisfied.

“Then,” he continued speaking obliviously, “you have to do it together with your feet. You throw you left hand and your left foot must move from the ground at the same time. The jab must lands together with the foot.”

“Jab lands with foot. Got it!” She repeated, quickly trying a few times.

“Oh, it hurts now,” Gap-jin let out a whimper, a little too dramatically in his eyes, but he saw her excitement beaming from her eyes so he kept his mouth shut.

“You wanna try with gloves?”

She nodded happily at Gap-jin’s suggestion. She put it on with his help while Gap-jin watched with amusement. 

“Try it with Jong-kook,” he said. So, they did.

It did sting a little, receiving her jabs. Not much, but it can be felt. Standing there, in front of her, watching her coming towards him again and again, with eyes full of determination, he couldn’t help but to feel amazed. 

Everything she does amazed him, but today, on this particular evening, her doing one of his favourite activities, rendered him speechless. He’s impressed. He’s moved. He’s stirred. He’s inspired. He’s in love.

She probably saw his smiles got bigger every punch she threw, or Gap-jin hinted something at her, because all of the sudden, she ducked and punched his stomach. It didn’t hurt that much, but he was taken by surprise, causing him to be on his knees.

“Are you crazy?” He yelled while she cheered loudly to herself. Gap-jin roared a laugh too, clapping his hands like a seal watching his mighty student got knocked down by a girl.

“What?! What?! You wanna go?!” She challenged him, throwing her jabs to the air. Gap-jin laughed even harder, but quickly moved between them as he got back on his feet, leaping to her.

“Come on, man, you can’t hit your girl friend!” Gap-jin said as he pushed him away from her.

He was joking, of course. He was actually amused by her antics. Her sudden attack only proved to him that she indeed was something else. And, her playfulness, it made him wanted to smile even wider. Seeing her this happy, he felt content. He felt full.

Still, he wanted to amuse her even more by being angry. “You’re dead meat when I catch you, Ji- hyo.” He warned from behind Gap-jin. She stuck her tongue out at him.

Gap-jin then taught her how to duck and weave. She’s having a little hard time to follow so Gap-jin asked him to demonstrate it together. They did a couple of rounds, but it turned to actual fight quickly, as he was pumped and Gap-jin was always ready for a show-down with him.

She actually ran out of ring almost fast, gasping, yelping as if she was the one receiving hits, and sometimes cheering for them. Her eyes were wide, realising how strong he actually was and Gap-jin wasn’t any less. Gap-jin was the man of the match, of course, ending the fight between them, somehow holding him in a head lock. 

Smugly, as Gap-jin released his lock, he yelled, “you’re right, Ms. Ji-hyo. He’s neither now.”

She clapped, not at all looking at him like he’s weak for losing, but rather with admiration. “You’re both good.”

Gap-jin then asked her to try. He got up after catching his breath and moved to the side once again, watching her did a few times, looking more stable and fast this time. He’s proud.

They continued for the next hour and stopped when they’re all drenched in sweat, panting. Gap-jin offered them energising drinks that they drank with all their might, relieving their quenching thirst. They talked while they rest, but it was Gap-jin who talked more, often telling her embarrassing stories about when they were younger. He cursed at him multiple times, causing both Gap-jin and her to laugh out loud.

She pointed at the punching machine at the corner of the room, similar to the one they played in the arcade before.

“Is it here as a joke?” She asked.

“Not really. Sometimes, it’s fun to see how motivating it can be for people when they know their actual score. It isn’t that accurate but it’s better than me telling them their punches are good, you know?” Gap-jin stood up suddenly. “You wanna try?”

She blinked, exhilarated. She got up too, followed closely by him, and went to the machine with Gap- jin. “I bet it’ll be different after just one session but it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“This machine doesn’t just calculate how hard you punch. It takes in your strength and your speed at the same time. So you have to fast and strong to get high score. Let me do it first.” Gap-jin swinged, startling her at how hard he was. She gasped when looking at the score. 897. 

“That’s one of my weakest, honestly.”

He rolled his eyes at Gap-jin’s humble bragging.

“You wanna try?” She turned to him.

“You first.”

She took her stance, trying her swing a few times, probably feeling a little shy to do it in front of them. 

“Should I do it like this?” She asked Gap-jin, ignoring him. “Or like this?”

Gap-jin started giving out suggestion on how she could apply earlier tactic there. “Remember, the punch must land together with your feet.”

“Oh, it’s embarrassing. What should I do-“

“Yah! Can’t you just do it?” He cut them off, sneering. “It’s not as if you never punched before! You punched so many people! You punched me so many times before! Just do it!”

She glared at him, looking him up and down, clearly annoyed. Gap-jin, however, smirked at him, knowing full well that he’s actually just a little upset because his girl ignored him.

“One tip, though, people say it’d help to throw punch when you imagine the ball to be the person who angered you or done you dirty or you know, just a little annoying, so you might want to try it.”

She nodded. “I do have someone like that.” 

“Good! Use it to fuel you up!”

He was sure that she’s gonna said that bastard ex of hers name and punched it so hard that he’ll be satisfied. He was so sure. He was ready. Ready to clap. Ready to cheer.

“You!” She screamed as she leapt to the front and swing her fist. His wide grin disappeared, however, when she screamed again just before her punch hit the ball, “Kim Jong-kook!”

The ball flew backwards. The score climbed fast and stopped at 508. She jumped to the air, shouting happily while Gap-jin howled, looking at him, full of satisfaction.

“You really do have a death wish—“ he hissed as he chased after her. She ran, still laughing, using Gap-jin as her shield at some point and that’s the end of their eventful evening.

She thanked Gap-jin on their way out.

“I hope I’ll see you again,” he replied. “And you! My offer still standing!”

He rolled his eyes for the hundredth time today, but still he pulled that man into a hug.

The next Tuesday, he asked her. “Ready for round 2?”

“I’m still on so much pain,” she whined.

“It was just one session!”

“One intense session.” She corrected him. “Let’s do something else.”

“Like what?”

They went to yoga class. It’s not his first time doing yoga, so he got it. It’s funny watching her getting frustrated, though, as she complained so many times, “how are you so good at this? It hurts!” 

“You just have a stiff body, Ji-hyo.” 

He planned something else for the next weekend, probably indoor rock climbing, but he was called by Manager Yoo, reminding him about their business trip which totally slipped out of his mind and they had to leave on Sunday, ruining his entire plan. Again, it wasn’t a bad trip. It’s just lacking. Lack of her.

Oh, my stars- how he’s gone crazy.

He got out of his bedroom fully dressed, greeted by his mom, waiting at the dining table filled with food. 

“Breakfast?” She asked lovingly.

He let out a sigh. It’s a lonely weekend but at least, going back to his mom’s house when he’s sick was the best idea.

“Of course,” he replied, widening his mom’s smile.

He got to the office a little late that day, rushing to get his note book from his room and went straight to the meeting room, ignoring the staff area that seemed to be calling his name, where a weekly meeting for top management staffs was held. It went on for hours and he almost requested to lie down in the middle of it because his back was killing him.

It’s lunch time when the meeting finally ended but as he about to walk out of the room, Manager Yoo called his name. They discussed about the business trip report for a while and before he knew it, lunch time was over for him. He’s lucky he ate a lot in the morning or else he would’ve fainted. 

Then, there’s a conference call from headquarter in Japan, discussing about the possibility of getting one of their staff to attend intensive training for 6 months there, but his stomach was empty and he’s exhausted, so the words flew right out of his ears as they entered.

It’s already over 4 PM, when his hectic schedule today was over, when he actually could breath. He walked to the staff area, greeting everyone and passing down souvenirs to them. Dong-hoon asked for something more to which he responded with warning of a smack in the head. Se-chan laughed at him, as always and Kwang-soo, looking at Dong-hoon, politely accepted his gift. He still did the same to Kwang-soo, though, for not being genuine enough. Kwang-soo protested but they ended it with a good laugh. 

Then, he turned to both So-min and Suk-jin who were in the middle of a discussion, staring at Suk-jin who was sitting on her chair.

“Where’s Ji-hyo?” He questioned blankly to no one in particular.

“Oh, she didn’t tell you, oppa?” So-min was the one who replied. “I guess she couldn’t, huh? She thought you’ll come in yesterday, but you didn’t. She went back to her family’s home for a few days. Her mother’s sick.”

He was surprised but he didn’t show it to them.

“Oh! And, she left this for you! She asked me to sent it to your home ‘cause she’s in a hurry yesterday—and I did go to your home last night but you weren’t there.” So-min exclaimed as she pulled out a box from her drawer.

“I was at my mom’s..” His voice disappeared at the end as he opened it. Inside, were boxes of heat patches for both the back and shoulder, cooling gel sheet, a pair of socks and one piece of paper with her writings on it, saying, “Kim Jong-kook, get well soon! Can’t wait to have another boxing session with you!”

He breathed out with mixed feelings, closing the box again before anyone else could see. Without saying anything, he walked away to his office, unlocking his phone to call her.

*****

She didn’t pick up her phone. Not on his first call, not even on his fifth. She did call him back the next day, apologising for ignoring her phone because she’s busy attending her mother. He asked her whether she needed help or a lift back home or anything, she refused, saying that he shouldn’t worry and explaining that she’s driving and actually was on the way back home.

Now, she’s in front of him, fluffing numerous pillows on Se-chan’s couch, while telling him a story about her brother going on a blind date at her mother’s suggestion. She thought it was funny that her mother had officially given up on her and now was pestering her brother instead.

He said nothing, listening to her voice while helping her to hang up the fairy light on the wall behind the couch. She turned to him, looking at his job done well and smiled, and of course, of fucking course, he would smile back.

His heart faltered and he suddenly remember what Dong-hoon said to him earlier, after he caught both of them in the pantry talking about preparation for Se-chan’s surprise party to So-min.

“You know I’m speaking from love, right? You know I love you, right, hyung?” He whispered to him after she left the room.

He gritted his teeth. It’s never good to hear these kind of words early in the morning, especially not from Dong-hoon. “What is this about?”

Dong-hoon pulled out a chair and sat in front of him. After looking around the pantry and was sure that no one was around, he spoke. “You—be careful.”

“Of what?”

“Of this dangerous game you’re playing!”

He blinked in confusion. “What—“

“Look, hyung, we’re friends for almost 15 years now, right? And I know you, better than anyone else. I’ve seen you sad, I’ve seen you happy, I’ve seen you got angry -so many times- and I’ve seen you...”

“What?!”

“—in love.” Dong-hoon cringed at his own words.

He quickly caught up with what Dong-hoon was trying to say but remain indifferent, not planning to come clean to his junior at all today.

“Ji-hyo is a great woman. I love her, too. We all love her. We all wanted to help her.” Dong-hoon gulped, choosing his words carefully now that he’s staring down onto him intensely. “But you have to understand, the difference between helping and—and, um, hoping for something else.”

“I’m—I don’t—“ he sighed. “Is this about Ji-hyo?”

“Uh huh.” Dong-hoon licked his lips, probably nervous, but started again after exhaling. “We knew— it’s kinda obvious that you grew closer to her lately. And it’s totally fine, but because I knew you too well—“

He laughed, crossing his hands at his chest, being defensive. “We’re not like that, Dong-hoon.”

“You said that, but— you know what, if your intention is purely wanting to help her, then, that’s good. That’s fine. That’s more than fine, even. That’s noble. Thank you for taking it for the team.”

“You’re welcome-“

“-but you have to know-“ Dong-hoon continued, “that no matter how hard you try, it’s her battle to fight. Not yours. She has to heal at her own time, at her own pace.”

His smile disappeared, knowing exactly where Dong-hoon was going after this.

“—and you have to let her, hyung. You have to let her heal, herself.”

“Are you suggesting me to leave her alone?”

“No. Well, yea-no, of course not. My point is, if it’s involving feelings, particularly your feeling, then this is probably a disaster, hyung.”

“I’m not—“

“If you don’t feel anything, then, that’s good. If you do, then, it’s something else entirely. You get me? You’re gonna get hurt for expecting too much from her, is what I’m saying, hyung.”

He was about to say something but Dong-hoon cut him off, again, “-and, again, Ji-hyo is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She’s like my sister. Go-eun loves her, my kids love her, I love her. And I’m happy, if she ended up with you, with a man that I finally could trust. But if she hasn’t moved on, then—“

“You’re afraid she’s just using me to forget about her ex?”

Dong-hoon looked guilty when he threw that question at him. “She’s not that type of woman—but sorrow could change people. She could, unintentionally— you know what, I was wrong, she won’t do that. She’s not that person. I’m just afraid that you’re gonna get hurt, that’s all.” He finished with both of his hands up.

“I appreciate the gesture, man,” he uttered, standing up from his chair, “but it’s not like that. I was just helping her helping Se-chan. She needs to hang up lights and whatever— she got short limbs so I’m just helping her out.”

Dong-hoon nodded a few times. “Good. Well, I hope you two have fun.”

He scoffed a little before leaving, wasn’t sure whether Dong-hoon did buy his lies or not.

Dong-hoon’s words bothered him all day but quickly left his mind when she got into his car and left for Se-chan’s place. She smiled a lot today. She talked a lot. She laughed a lot. She gave out warmth that he sought after, that he missed for so long.

He remembered what Kwang-soo said to him that one time they went out for lunch, “Noona seems to be a lot happier these days,” to which So-min agreed, “true! True! She laughs more often these days.” And, he couldn’t help to feel proud, for this is what he wanted, for her to be happy and move on. But, damn, his heart craved for something more.

“I guess I have to thank you.” He shook his head lightly, chasing away weird thoughts from within him.

“For?” She replied without looking at him, arranging knitted socks and blankets on the couch.

“For convincing Se-chan to turn this party into a private surprise.” He sighed. “It’s three months anniversary—it’s not even an anniversary, for god’s sake, why would he wanted to invite people over? Ugh!”

She gave her final touch to the arrangement on the couch, before sitting down on it, probably trying it on before her ‘customers’ do. “Actually, it's 4 months anniversary now that he delayed it from last month- and, you’re welcome,” she replied humorously. “Se-chan is sweet, though, for doing this kind of thing.”

He raised his shoulder. “People in love are something else, huh?” He said it, looking bored, almost as if the words didn’t reflect who he was now.

She scoffed. “Oh, and this-“ she held up a small box and put in under one of the pillows, “must be hidden here.” She looked up to him, “come here. Sit here.” She tapped at the seat besides her.

He followed.

“Can you feel that?” She asked. He knew she meant the box, but her hand were on his hand, her body almost pressed upon his, her warmth, her scent, the proximity between them—she really couldn’t blame him for getting distracted.

“Well?” She questioned again.

“No, not really.” He finally answered with a sigh. “Do you think he’ll propose to her?”

She looked surprised for a while, but it turned into amusement. “Well, it is romantic, but as the president of rushing-into-marriage-and-failed club, I hope he doesn’t.”

He took turn to scoff at her joke. “You never know. People in love do-“

“-do crazy thing, yeah, I know.” She cut him. “But I know they’ll be smarter than me. At least, I hope so.”

“Are you against marriage now?” He joked, half expecting her to hit him, but she didn’t. She was busy arranging the table now, putting bowl with sweets and bowl of popcorn together, few bouquets of roses, and then the remote, and lastly, candelabra.

“No.” She denied it under her breath. “Just rushed weddings.”

“Don’t you think it’s different for different people, though? Like, people could be in a relationship for years but are not suitable for marriage, but some other people, get married after 3 months and it works for them.”

“I guess so. Other people could be different, just not, you know, Se-chan and So-min.” 

“Right.” He agreed, laughing to himself.

She got up, taking the box of candles from in front of the TV which was now connected to Se-chan’s laptop, ready at will to play a movie -he didn’t have to guess to know that it’s romance- with a push of a button, and sat down on the floor in front of him. Arranging them into the small candelabra on the table, she lit them up and told him to switch off the light. The room turned dark for a second, but got brighter by the light of the candles.

She smiled to herself, satisfied. She turned to him. “Did you ever do something like this?” 

He could’ve lied, but he didn’t. “Honestly? Yeah.”

“Really?!” Her tone went high, half-excited, half not believing him.

“I used to be in love too, Ji-hyo,” he sneered, “I’m not a robot.”

She glanced at his body, made him blushed, and said, “I beg to differ.”

He let out a sigh in disbelief. “Yah, you’d be surprised at how human I am actually!”

She just laughed, turning her body completely towards him. “Who was it? The lucky girl?”

“It’s way before you—way before you got here, I mean.” He corrected himself fast, before she could catch up, “we were together for 7 years.”

“What?! Seven?!” She repeated him in disbelief. “Seven whole years?! Why would it end- how?! What happened?!”

He winced, considering not answering her. It’s not something that he would share. It’s so long ago that he’d rather it to remain buried, but her eyes were so large, so expecting, that he just sighed and told her, “it’s my fault. I was busy, obsessing with becoming better. Richer, stronger, whatever..”

Her smile faded, realising that from his word, it's true, and it’s sad. “Oppa, I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s okay. It’s like years ago, like, almost ten years ago, I think. She wanted to get married. I didn’t. At least, not then. I made her wait. And I guess, I made her wait for too long that she had enough.” He shrugged, trying to not look affected by his own words and he actually wasn’t, at all.

“Is she married?” 

“She...was.”

“Wait! She’s divorced?!” Her mouth gaped again. He just raised his eyebrows as an answer. “Did you look for her again? After she got divorced?”

He leaned into the couch, slumping even deeper to sit comfortably. “Why would I do that? I told you, I don’t like to dwell in the past. And, by that time, I-“

“You moved on?”

“—I already had crush on someone else.”

“Oho!” She exclaimed gleefully. Her smile was back, wide and bright, as if she just uncovered his deep, dark secret. 

He snickered at her over-the-top reaction. 

“Who! Was! She!” She asked—no, demanded the answer, hitting his knee every time a word came out of her mouth.

He smiled but shook his head at her. Her hand remained on his knee and in this dimmed-light room and how close they were (and if she bent a little, she could comfortably rest her head on his knee), he swore, he felt a burning sensation under her touch.

“Was it someone that I know, that’s why you wouldn’t tell me?” She pressed on.

He looked away, pretending to be unbothered, not sharing another secret tonight, although with her, it wasn’t really a secret. It’s just that he couldn’t tell her because she’d be surprised by his answer.

“Ah, oppa! You’re no fun.”

He chuckled nervously but said nothing more.

She gave up, maybe not trying to poke him too much out of respect, or just not that interested, or maybe she knew the answer already, stayed quiet and took a seat besides him.

“This is perfect, isn’t it, oppa?”

“You did a good job, Ji-hyo.”

She smiled, leaning back to the couch besides him, and his hand, moving on its own, snaked around her shoulder and officially taking her into his embrace. She didn’t say anything, instead, her left hand reached for his hand to hold it casually, like it’s a normal thing to do and it’s driving him crazy.

“Oppa?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still have a crush on her?”

His heart, it bounced around from its place for a while hearing that from her. 

What kind of question is that? And what kind of answer should he give?

Her head turned to him, probably wondering why did he took so long to answer. Her eyes stared into his eyes.

“You do, didn’t you?” She teased, showing him her perfect teeth. 

He drew in his breath, gazing at her beauty. 

She’s always pretty. Always, but tonight, she’s exceptionally pretty. Under the light of the candles, it’s like he’s looking at her with different set of eyes. She’s bright, she's golden and he’s gonna lose his breath soon.

“Yeah.” He sighed out his answer.

“People say crush only lasted for 4 months—“

What were they doing, talking about having crush as if they were teenagers? What was he doing, playing along with her, confessing as if he’s desperate? What was she doing, asking these questions, because she should know, that they were in fact talking about her?

Maybe she really was clueless, and maybe, just maybe, he really was desperate, that when she finished her sentence, “—and after that, it’s love”, he swallowed hard and replied quietly, “maybe it is.”

They were staring at each other’s eyes for so long, that he could see, the transition from teasing to becoming confused to shock to finally realising the answer she’s been asking all along in her eyes. They widened up again and she gasped in a breath. She knew, and looking at him, she knew that she’s right.

How he thought it would be perfect -with the romantic air between them, the unspoken confession, the excitement that she finally understood, his eyes that never left hers, his heart beating like crazy, her perfect lips just inches away from his, slightly opened and inviting- so he leaned in.

He was hesitant, but she did close her eyes, so he closed his too, tilting his head slightly, moving in. Maybe it’s that, her closing her eyes, that he couldn’t see her doubt at the very last second, or maybe it’s something else entirely, because as he got closer, his nose already touching her cheek -so close that he could feel warm breaths escaping from her lips on his lips, she whispered, “oppa— I can’t.”

His heart, he swore, it stopped.

The next moments were blurry. He didn’t remember who got up first. He didn’t remember when Se- chan came with blind-folded So-min and whether he managed to fake a smile at them or not. He didn’t remember if she did. If she could.

The next thing he knew was his car stopping in front of her building and he was gripping on the steering wheel tightly. She looked afraid, glancing at him at the corner of her eyes, waiting for anyone to say anything, but, he couldn’t speak, not sure if it will come out as real words or just gibberish if he did.

She wasn’t going to speak too, so it seemed, so she pushed her door open and got out. Before she closed it behind her, he noticed that she looked at him for one last time, but he couldn’t look back at her. Not this time.

She looked so guilty and he hated it. 

Dong-hoon was right. Oh, and how he hated it.


	5. As it should be

Having a brother meant a lot of adventures, and with adventures, came injury. A lot of injuries. 

When he was five, he broke his wrist cycling around their neighbourhood. When he’s 8, he broke his nose after wrestling with their friends. When he’s 9, they played football with the same group of friends and the game got too rough. He got too excited, and that day, he came home with a broken leg.

The injury was nothing. Sure, he cried a little, but after a few days, the pain was very much nonexistent. A little uncomfortable, maybe, but it’s nothing that his old, young self couldn’t handle. The thing that got him the most, however, was loneliness.

He had to stay home for almost two months. He couldn’t go to school at all the first three weeks, couldn’t go out to play, couldn’t go with his brother anywhere, and it’s boring the hell out of him. He could only watched his brother went out to go to school or play and came back during sunset. He asked his brother about what he’s been doing, how’s everyone doing, what were they playing that day, but he got jealous every time his brother told him, so he stopped asking.

His brother was sweet. He slowly going out less and less, staying home, keeping him company, playing video games with him—and he was thankful. His brother still had to go to school, though, so he waited patiently every day, for his brother to come back, to play with him, to talk to him. He remembered being so happy when his brother walked into the house, for how could he not— his brother was his saviour, from being too lonely. 

His brother was his muse, no matter how much fun he had playing video games alone. And while his brother’s gone, he was sad.

Lately, his life felt like another version of that. Broken bone, lonely, alone, and had only one muse. Except now, it’s not broken bone, it’s a broken heart. Except now, the pain never went away like the pain of a broken bone would after some days, the pain of a broken heart stayed. And no matter how much fun he had doing his work, going to the gym, bench pressing, playing with dumbbells, doing cardio exercises or whatever, he could never forget about how fun being together with his muse.

And his muse— she never came ‘home’. Not since that fateful night, that night he broke his ‘bone’.

To be fair, it was him who kept the distance. He was the one who avoided her. He was the one who ran away from her.

He kept it professional in the office, though. He still sat with her in the same meeting table, talking to her, acknowledging her ideas, but when it’s lunch, it’s either he ate in his room or the pantry alone, or he joined the group but sat at the other side of the table, the farthest away from her as possible, not talking to her, not even looking at her intentionally.

Oh, of course, he still felt her presence. At the corner of his eyes, he still saw her smiling. Even when he was in his room, he sometimes heard her faint laughs. He acted like he didn’t see her, but he was so drawn to her and his body was so used to her, that no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, he could sense her every movement.

The way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the way sometimes her feet kept fidgeting below the meeting table, her in the pantry making tea, her speaking on the phone, her talks with Dong-hoon and Se-chan, the laughs she shared with Kwang-soo, her gossip sessions with So-min. How he used to look at all that, with interest, with wonder, with smiles across his face, but now, there’s only pain and he could only looked away.

Soon, she followed suit. She flinched too when she saw him. She hesitated to walk in a room when he’s there. She arrived early to avoid bumping into him in the pantry. She left early to not be in the office, with just few little people around when he’s there.

It’s painful.

It’s even more painful, because all of this -like that time he played football and got too excited and broke his bone- were caused by him, as he got way too excited way too early, following his heart blindly, and broke his heart. Probably, hers too.

That day, he went home early from work. Dong-hoon, his ever so attentive junior, called out for him in front of them -her, included. He told them he’s worn out, he’s tired, he had been almost camping out in the office to finish the ‘greener office’ project that has been trusted upon him because he volunteered (because he needed a distraction), only went home just before midnight and now that the project was 85% done -the only thing left was to start implementing all the steps in the office- he just wanted to rest.

They wished him well, asked him to get enough rest and sleep and eat well, to which he smiled, but only he knew that even at home, he’s restless, he couldn’t sleep, so he just spent his time in the gym anyway and that’s what he was planning to do that day.

Before walking away, he glanced at her who was already looking at him. Their eyes met. She bowed a little, awkwardly, echoing the wishes from everyone. He didn’t look away —couldn’t look away— because she’s captivating in her white turtleneck and high-waisted skirt with dark red lips, but he didn’t smile either. He only nodded at her.

As he walked to the basement, to his car, the only thing on his mind was her and her wide eyes, staring into his, making him felt exposed, bare and vulnerable and how words couldn’t express how he missed her.

Oh, he missed her so much. He missed those thin arms linking around his. He missed those tiny hands between his hands, could easily be crushed by him but he didn’t because he adored them so much. He missed her reddened cheeks, her cheeky smiles, her snort, her laugh -quiet or loud. He missed her insults, her clever comebacks, her angry rants when she’s pissed off—he even missed her making him pissed off.

But the mistake he made that night was irreversible. Not only he outed his feeling without any warning, he even tried to K-word her. And he got rejected for it. And he made her felt guilty about it.

Worse, he couldn’t bring himself to face her, to say sorry to make things worse for her or sorry for the change in their dynamic that it even caused change in their group. He couldn’t even bring himself to apologise to her for being a coward.

He spent the rest of the evening at the gym as planned, grunting and groaning, bringing himself to exhaustion so that maybe, tonight he could fall asleep easily. After some time just laying down on the bench, earning a weird look from Ki-jin, a friend he knew from the gym, he got up and went home.

Fresh out the shower, he put on the most comfortable nightwear he had -a short, an old sweater that smelled like home, a pair of socks- and he got into the bed. He stared at the ceiling for a little while, surprising himself that he actually yawned this time, this early. He pulled the comforter to his chest, closing his eyes, ready for the deep slumber to take him in, when his mind started to wander again. And, as annoying as it could be, it was always her. It was always directly to her.

Remember that time he said that it’ll be too much if he kiss her and then he went and did just that because he’s a disgusting man? Remember how he broke his promise to her, to make her happy no matter what, but now he made her even sadder?

Of course, he remembered. He’s paying for the consequences now.

He shushed his mind. Just for that night, he begged his mind to not do that. Let’s just rest, he said. The self-blaming, self-pitying mind can be dealt with tomorrow. 

And, he succeeded. He almost felt asleep, his breathing got deeper, almost snoring a little, when suddenly his phone lighted up, brightening the room and blinding him. It beeped twice then nothing.

He could’ve ignored it and wait until tomorrow. He could’ve not pay attention to it at all, sinking deeper to his bed to get that beauty sleep that he craved for weeks. He could’ve, but he didn’t.

His hand reached out for his phone, unlocking it. The text he got made his eyes opened wide, his sleepiness flew out of the window just as fast as him getting out of bed, scrambling to the closet to get a jacket and a longer pair of pants or something and then rushing out of the door.

It was a text message. From her. No words, just one cloud emoji and a location. When he tapped on it, it’s a hospital.

*****

It’s actually a surprise that he could drive properly without breaking any rules, without hitting any living things on his way there. It’s also surprising that he managed to speak calmly to the nurse on the counter, to ask for her. He pretty sure his voice broke into a sob at the end of his sentence because how freaked out he was, though, as the nurse looked at him all weird when she mentioned the ward number.

“Please, please, please.” He prayed to himself, even though he wasn’t sure what exactly he’s praying for.

Just the thought of her covered blood, unconscious, not breathing, not alive, and her last of memory of him was that he nodded at her after weeks of avoiding her, made his knees weak. As he dragged his feet to her, he thought that maybe he prayed for her to be at least alive. Maybe for her to be at least conscious. Maybe for her to at least remember him. He wasn’t sure. He only knew that he prayed for her.

She was shivering when he practically bursted into her room. Her hair was messy, left cheeks full of scratches, one wrist bandaged and face drenched with tears. Her eyes opened wide as he got in, exploding into full sobbing mode without warning, rambling fast about the car accident she just experienced and how scary it was.

Here’s what he got; she was driving out of a junction, turning right, when suddenly a car who was clearly violating traffic light came from her right side and rammed into her passenger’s side where Kwang-soo was sitting. And, now, she’s freaking out about Kwang-soo as he fainted on the way to the hospital and currently in the operating room.

Of course, she’d freaked out about someone else, rather than herself as if she herself wasn’t involved in that said accident, as if she walked out of that accident unharmed. He’s guessing that’s the reason she reached out to him, for him to check out on Kwang-soo, not on herself.

Tell him again, how could he not love this selfless woman?

She cried into her hands and it reminded him of that night they spent on the riverside hugging and it’s splitting him in half. One side wanted to take a big step to her bedside, taking her whole into his arms. The other one, restrained him.

As she looked up to him, her brown eyes overflowing with tears, almost as if she was pleading for him and the first side almost won. But he knew he could be wrong. He was wrong before, and it’ll be deadly (for him, at least) if he’s wrong again.

He did scoot closer to her, though, and reached for her bandaged hand. How long has it been? He wasn’t sure, but it might be too long that somehow her hand felt smaller than the last time he held it.

“Oppa—“ along with fallen tears, her voice came out hoarse, not much louder than a breath.

“You know it’s not your fault, right?” He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb softly, making circular movements, hoping that it could make the prominent guilt in her eyes disappear.

“How could it not— You weren’t there—“

“I don’t have to be there to know that it’s not your fault.”

She wiped her tears away and bit her lower lips, probably stopping it from trembling again. She breathed in and out, looking at their hands together, and for some reasons, got calmer. Then, she started again. “Kwang-soo—“

“I’ll check up on him, okay?” She was about to say something, but he wouldn’t let her. “You have to rest, in the meantime.”

“But-“

“I’ll take you to him, when you wake up.”

Maybe it was because his strict voice, maybe it was the medicine circulating in her bloodstream, maybe she was exhausted too, that his words ended all her protests and attempts for negotiations. She gripped his hand tightly, breathing even slower now and closed her eyes. Before long, the grip loosened and she dozed off.

His eyelids were heavy too, influenced by her light snores, but he knew he must do as he promised, so he got up.

He checked up on Kwang-soo after he dealt with the police officers who came to take their statements -not long, just an agreement to take them to the police station after they are released- as he was admitted into the ward next to her.

Kwang-soo woke up soon after, explaining that his injury was a fracture and one tore ligament, and although he couldn’t be active for months to come, it wasn’t that bad according to him. He patted Kwang-soo’s back, in relief that everyone and everything was fine, ignoring that man when he asked how he knew they’re here or why would he be the first one she called, instead asking to inform his family and their friends.

He went back to her room, calling her family next. They were in shock but promised to come quickly. He told them not to be in a hurry and drive safely, because he’s here and he’ll took care of her. Ending the call, he watched the trace of dried tears on her cheeks, feeling rather at peace.

She’s okay. She’s fine. She’ll be alright.

He breathed out in ease for the first time that night and slumped deeper into his seat, finally, finally, was able to sleep without battling his own mind after weeks of suffering.

He was awaken by the touch of a hand in his shoulder. It was her father, shocking him straight into standing up to greet her whole family. They all shared his previous feelings, scared but at the same time, relieved as they saw her.

Soon, this whole section of wards were flooded by their family and friends. The noise woke her up and after receiving hugs from everyone in the room (except from him), she turned to him, asking him to fulfil his promise. Before he could, though, Kwang-soo came in, in a wheelchair pushed by Sun-bin who apparently arrived early this morning.

“It’s just a fracture, noona!” Kwang-soo laughed at her when she bursted into tears again (tears of relief) when she saw him.

“Yah!” She scolded him, hitting his head lightly. “You fainted! I thought you had a concussion!”

“Ow!” He screamed dramatically. “How does it still hurt even when you’re in this condition?! I’m gonna tell my mom on you! Eoma—“

She laughed, finally, along with the others. He laughed too, as he watched her from the side, realising that this is how it used to be and how it should’ve been all along.

Her, happy and warm and safe, surrounded by all her friends and family, he was watching over her from afar and no matter how much strong his feelings were, no matter how much he loved her then, how much he loves her now, how much he will love her next, he’ll always be watching her. Just watching her.

He swallowed the bitter truth, trying to excuse himself from her parents—figured he should leave as more and more people came— when she extended her hand at him, preventing him from moving.

“Are you leaving?” She asked, ignoring all sets of eyes that were staring at them.

“Someone has to go to work and tell Manager Yoo about this.” He replied, though it was a lie because the first thing he did last night was informing his boss.

“Oppa— I— Thank you—“

The urge to hug her came back even stronger but he ignored it just as strong, squeezing her hand  
instead. He smiled weakly to her. “I promised you, didn’t I?”

She nodded, letting his hand go, and even though it left a mark on him as she did slowly, maybe reluctantly, after muttering “get well soon” to her, he walked away without looking back.


	6. Winter’s here

Winter’s here and he hated it. He hated the cold, the freezing wind, the slippery roads and how many times he had fallen because of them, the fear that he’ll crash every time he drives, the layer upon layer outfits, nights that came too early that causing everyone’s productivity to be at the new low, the need to use heater all the time, the fear of catching severe cold even how meticulous he was being with his health, the missing sun, and so much, much more.

What he couldn’t hate though, was how the scenery was so breathtaking, so white with snow, so pure, cleansing his eyes and his entire soul from the window of the minibus while on their way to the Manager Yoo’s villa for their annual skiing trip, making all the cons of winter almost bearable.

“Let’s go!” Dong-hoon shouted excitedly, followed by the others early on the trip, but now that they’re almost one hour into their journey, the excitement were half-buried in their slumber. The only one awake were probably him and the bus driver, maybe Go-eun, because he could see her head moving from slightly elevated seat at the back of this minibus, probably playing with her kid.

He glanced at her seat. 

Her head still, most likely asleep. She was probably tired. These few weeks, she kept going back and forth to the police station, the insurance company and the workshop where her car got taken to after the accident. It’s only yesterday that she finally got her car back, rushing to go the workshop after work and then rushing home to pack to go on this trip.

He knew all this not because he went with her—he’s keeping his distance, remember?—but because he sent someone to look after her and keep him updated.  
Someone who could get close to her without suspicion. Someone who would do anything to get a piece of gossip. Someone who always had a free time, now that she was on a break from Se-chan.

Honestly, he would’ve recruited Kwang-soo instead because that man would’ve been a better choice, obviously. Kwang-soo was already close to her and more importantly, he wouldn’t dare to tease him and even though he’ll wonder why he got sent for such ridiculous tasks, he won’t bother to ask. Not to him directly, at least. But since that man was still limping around, he settled for the next best person.

It was tough for an obvious couple of reasons at first but as he passed through the teasing, the trying to dig deeper but failed, the questions -a lot of questions- So-min seemed to be a dependable ally. He expressed his thankfulness for her one morning after she spilled some “tea” as she called it, and how he actually felt bad that he made her do all this, but that young woman only smiled brightly.

“No, oppa, I’m glad that I can help someone helplessly in love like you,” she raised her eyebrows knowingly at him.  
He didn’t deny it. No point of doing that anymore, now that even her kinda knew about his feeling.

“You just like to be included in this, didn’t you?” He raised his eyebrows back at her, reminding her that she didn’t have to lie, that he could see through her obvious self. She pushed his shoulder playfully after that, giggling like a high school girl she weren't.

“Oh, it’s all so very exciting!” She squealed gleefully.

After the accident, the relationship between him and her did become better. They were never really avoiding each other anymore. They sometimes sit besides each other during lunch. He would to talk to her about some casual things. She would ask him about other normal things. Just never about them. Never about what happened between them. Never, ever about what happened that night.

And even how bittersweet all those memories between them could be, even now that he could finally understand her wish to turn back time to relive some memories, he willingly swallowed it to the back of his throat, and he will continue to swallow it, because this was how the thing should be between them, even though he still feel for her strongly.

Which was why he was considering not to join their trip this year, but Manager Yoo was depending on him, trusting him with every single aspect of this trip. Thus, when even the not fully recovered Kwang- soo joined in, he really had no other reasons to not go.

He planned to go through this trip like a breeze, grill some meat, talk to the people he’s comfortable with (which were all of them, really), go snowboarding, sleep and go home, all while concealing his emotions tightly. That’ll be as easy as doing 100 sit-ups on his regular workout day. He’s been doing that for years, three-days-two-nights trip wouldn’t bother him.

It shouldn’t bother him, but when the bus stopped at the rest area and he got out to pee, he saw her peaceful sleeping face as he boarded back, his determination crumbled to his feet. Oh, this is gonna be challenging, he sighed to himself.

They arrived rather quickly to Manager Yoo’s villa after two and a half hour journey on the highway and one hour climbing on steep roads, passing through a small town on their way. Se-chan whistled as they got off the bus, Kwang-soo echoing his amazement at the sight of the majestic villa before them while Suk-jin hyung were pretty obviously green with envy.

Manager Yoo himself went out to greet them at the front door, introducing them to the members who hadn’t met his small family which was only So-min, who quickly marvelled at how pretty his wife and how even prettier their vacation villa is. They even had huge back lawn that they even able to provide a parking spot for their rented minibus and could still probably baseball there if they wanted to.

After settling down at their assigned rooms -one bedroom for one family (Dong-hoon’s and Suk-jin hyung’s), while the singles shared the remaining bedrooms among them— they all gathered at front lawn, in a fully set-up, huge, transparent tent to start their barbecue session.

Everyone had their own jobs trusted to them. The women doing the all the cutting and chopping as they planned to made Budae-jjigae and the man will be doing the cleaning, the washing, the grilling and stewing.

He was starting the fire needed for the grill when Manager Yoo came into the tent, looking all worried. 

“Everyone,” he called out, “I just about to take the meats out of the fridge, but one of them was actually broken so the meat were rotten—we still have some meat left that could be eaten, but it wouldn’t be enough for all of us, even for tonight, so if anyone could go down to the town to buy some....”

“With the bus?” Dong-hoon asked, blinking at their manager, voicing out the same question that probably ran into every mind now.

“No! No, of course not-“ Manager Yoo laughed. “I have a car in the garage- it’s an old car, the dashboard is broken, but the heater still works—and, and my housekeeper actually changed the tires to snow tires so it’s totally safe to use, I promise!”

Of course he would have a car in his garage. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if someone told him that Manager Yoo got here by his private helicopter—

“I’ll go.” A small, too familiar of a voice reached his ears, making him accidentally dropped a few blocks of charcoal to the ground.

“Noona?” Se-chan looked up from his bowl of white radish he’s trying to clean. “You sure you wanna go?”

She nodded nonchalantly. “I’m not doing anything anyway.”

“I’ll go with you, then-“

Dong-hoon cut them off. “Yah! No, no, Se-chan, you stay. There were a lot of things to clean here!” 

“But—“

“You just wanted to bail from doing chores, aren’t you?” Dong-hoon ignored Se-chan’s protest. 

“No—noona couldn’t possibly go alone—“

“It’s okay. I’ll go with So-min, then.” She interrupted, holding out her hand to So-min who quickly got up and took it. 

Oh, how they’ve grown closer to each other now that they spent all those time together. The time that could be spent with him—

“That won’t do, either!” Dong-hoon loudly disagreed with her, pulling him back to the reality from the weird thoughts that he’s having. “The roads are steep, Ji-hyo, it’s better for someone experienced to drive. Someone like—“

“Our bus driver?” She suggested.

“—Jong-kook hyung!”

He dropped another block of charcoal when Dong-hoon blurted out his name. 

“How is Jong-kook hyung an experienced driver?” Kwang-soo raised a question.

“Yah! How dare you doubted our hyung! I’ve known him long enough to know his skill! We drove through the muds, the mountains, the rivers together.” While Kwang-soo rolled his eyes, Dong-hoon continued, “a steep, snowy road wouldn’t bother him!”

He wanted to laugh at Dong-hoon’s absurd claim, but he was too nervous as he waited for her answer. Would she say “no” or “what?! Why?!” or maybe “hell no” or even worse, “ew”? Would she laughed instead because Dong-hoon’s idea was comical and his reasoning was even more laughable? Her face was unreadable, but then she just shrugged her shoulders and muttered “okay” so he could breath again.

Still, he glared at Dong-hoon as Manager Yoo went back to the house to pick up the keys. “What are you doing?” He hissed.

Dong-hoon only smirked.

“I thought you said that it’s better to distance myself from her?” He pressed on, almost at the point of growling as he got closer to him.

Dong-hoon still put on a smug look but he saw the hint of nervousness growing in that small eyes. He’s amused but he kept to his expressions.

“No.” He corrected him. “Pretty sure I said you should help her without involving feelings, which you were -clearly, by the way- so you’re the one thought it’ll better to keep a distance from her.”

When he said nothing, just staring at the short man, wondering how and why they could be friends for so long because of how annoying that tiny man could be, Dong-hoon patted his shoulder softly.

“Come on, hyung, give yourself a break. It’s been a couple of months.” He was about retort back, but Dong-hoon rattled on. “And— as much as I enjoyed knowing you being a big softie, I hated to see you like a broken young boy who got turned down by his favourite noona.”

He wanted to say something witty back or maybe hit Dong-hoon’s head, he really did, but he didn’t. Dong-hoon could be annoying, but that man could also be right. Annoyingly, he was often right. He did miss her. He did miss his muse. He did miss his daily dose of drug. One hit of her wouldn’t destroy him, right? Right? There’s no answer appearing in his mind, but he was willing to bet it anyway.

In the car, they didn’t talk much. She kept taking pictures, videos and time-lapse of scenery as they went down the winding road and he kept glancing at her.

“Shouldn’t you be conserving your phone’s battery, now that it’s low?” He commented, trying start up a conversation to make things less quiet and awkward between them—oh, who was he kidding? It’s actually because he missed her voice.

She took her phone down, seemed to be blushing that he noticed her red battery icon. “It’s just so pretty.”

“I know.” But, you’re prettier. 

Oh, please, someone slap his face before he could think or worse, actually say any other corny things!

He would be satisfied if the conversation ended there, but she seemed to be in the mood of talking. “Manager Yoo is so lucky to actually have a home up here. Imagine waking up to this view, every single day. I’d die for that.”

“Maybe one day, if we’ll work hard enough, as hard as him, we could afford one.” He entertained her, realising too late the wrong use of the word ‘we’ that she could interpreted it as them together and made things weird again, but she smiled, making he relaxed.

“I doubt we’ll ever do.” She glanced at him, making him blushed as he noticed it from the corner of his eyes. “But if I could ever afford it, I don’t think I’ll buy one in here.”

Her statement made him glanced back at her. “Why not here?”

She thought to herself first before answering. “Why not overseas?”

“Where you wanna go then?”

“Nowhere in particular. Just... away from home, I guess.” She raised her shoulders, but he noticed something off with her tone.

“Sounds like you’re running away from something.” He guessed around, expecting her to answer with a loud laugh and silly remark but it wasn’t.

She just whispered, “maybe, I am,” and stared outside the window. If they were who they were back in autumn, he would’ve stopped the car right there to interrogate her on what she meant by that ambiguous statement, but they’re different now, so he kept quiet, bringing back silence between them, until he pulled in in front of the store.

*****

They finished shopping in one go, basically taking all sorts of meats into the basket as Manager Yoo had blessed them with his credit card and a permission to use it as they pleased because “it’s my fault anyway”.

She helped him to select meat for a while and then wandered off on her own to pick ramen but she never came back to him. It’s a small store with one shopkeeper so he searched every aisle for her quickly, particularly the aisle with ramen, but found no trace of her.

Assuming she just probably went to the restroom outside or something, he picked up a few plastics of ramen and went straight to the counter to pay. He went out to the car to put their groceries in and still no sign of her. He considered waiting for awhile but he felt uneasy so he took out his phone to call her.

There’s a text message from her, sending chills down his spine as that night of her accident flashed in front of his eyes. Why would she texted him? He opened it impatiently and sure enough, it’s a cloud emoji, but this time, no location was given.

“Shit.” He muttered. Shit, shit, shit. He panicked.

He thought of calling of her name out loud—there’s forest all over this store, maybe she wandered there and got hurt but which direction did she go? What if someone took her—fuck, what if she got kidnapped and they’re on the run now? But he would’ve heard the sound of cars coming and going away at top speed. She would’ve screamed. She would’ve fought back. The Ji-hyo he knew and love would’ve fought back. Maybe she went back—

He ended his pacing around and decided to go back to the store. Oh, shit. Oh, please be there. Please, please, don’t let anything bad happened to her—

Something hit his head suddenly, halting him in place and stopping him from thinking. The blow to his head wasn’t hard, nor that it was harsh, just cold, freezing—and, wet.

“What the fuck?!” He growled as he looked back and saw her behind him, her bare hands covered in snow.

She let a squeak, laughing happily as she started running away to the empty lot besides the store as he quickly went after her. She kept turning back, looking at whether he got closer to her, and it wasn’t far before she slipped on her own and fell into the pile of soft snow. She went down with a soft thud and he knew it didn’t hurt as much, but still, she let out a whimper.

She laid on her side, her whole outfit now covered in white, as she looked up to him, smiling like an idiot.  
“Do you think it’s funny?!” He was fuming.

She didn’t answer right away, and that idiotic smile of hers—it melted his anger along with his heart. Still, he restrained himself from smiling or showing any signs of amusement to the prank she just pulled off.

She tried to stop smiling but failed miserably when she finally answered. “Not really.”

“Do you think it’s funny, now?!” He asked again as he threw two snowballs directly to her face. She laughed loudly as she covered her face, not caring at all that the snow got all over her face, hair and scarf, probably wetting her neck.

“Honestly, Ji-hyo, you got what you deserved!” He yelled at her, taking his turn of failing miserably to stop himself from smiling.

“Kim Jong-kook! You’re big meanie!” She pointed her index finger at him, trying to look angry, but she giggled soon after, clearly couldn’t contain her happiness that her prank worked.

He sighed. He really couldn’t be mad at her for long, even though the prank she played was horrible for his weak heart, as he was enjoying himself watching she smiled and hearing her laughs. He held out his hand at her and she took it, gripping it tightly to pull herself up.

Their touch—it burned, reminding him of a cruel reality waiting for him, but like Dong-hoon said, it’s been so long that he was willing to take it. He’s willing to let it linger for a little longer.

He let go of her hand, eventually, only to help her brushed off the snow from her outfits. “I really should’ve just left you out here to freeze alone.”

She giggled at his snarky comment. She was still giggling under her breath as they got into the car and drove away. She did stop giggling, however, when the car suddenly jerked a few times after fives minutes of drive and stopped dead on the road. He quickly pulled the handbrake, releasing the gear to start the engine again but to no avail.

“Well, shit.” He cursed under his breath. “Was this your plan too?” He asked as he turned to her. 

Her face was pale when she answered. “I’m not that smart to pull this off, oppa.”

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at her statement.

“Turns out we’ll both freeze out here,” she continued and dammit, he really wanted to laugh, at the actual shitty situation they’re in, at her ludicrous remark, at himself for being an idiot who wanted to laugh in this kind of situation.

Getting out of the car, they argued for a while about what they’re supposed to do now. She suggested him to call Manager Yoo using his phone—because hers died due to low battery—and he questioned her logic as he said they couldn’t possibly ask their manager to send the bus after them to pick them up.

She in turn, scoffed in anger at his suggestion to walk up there, carrying all the meats with them, as if it wasn’t a foolish idea because it took them 20 minutes to go down to the store by car, imagine how long it’ll take them to climb up the steep road, dragging along the meat and on their feet! It’ll be midnight as they arrived, if they ever arrived, because they could probably be eaten by bears or got killed by serial killers on the way.

“There were no bears here—“

He was usually a smart man, the smartest man in the room, the man with sharp instincts, so she couldn’t fathom how he could be this stupid now. It’s probably the fear being stranded in the middle of nowhere in the cold.

“That’s not the fucking point, Kim Jong-kook!” She yelled at him out of frustration.

They did call Manager Yoo after that, explaining their situation because after all, he was more familiar with this area and it was his car who broke down. He was ready to deploy the bus when suddenly that man stopped himself and said he got a better idea, telling them to wait there because help was on its way.

So, they did, but then it got cold. Stupid cold.

He looked at her as she silently blew on her hands, trying to make it warm. She pulled her jacket closer to her body, jumping around probably to create some heat while rubbing her hands together.

He clenched his teeth as he walked to her, taking her hands into his hands. “As someone who usually cold, you surprisingly hate gloves.”

He wanted to say something more but her nose and eyes were red, her lips trembling, she kept sniffling, so he ignored his screaming brain and pulled her into his body.

She was surprised, but at least she didn’t flinch or pushed him away, instead she buried her frozen face in his neck and put her hands under his sweater, taking heat from his bare skin.

He almost cursed again at the touch for how cold it was, but he just gritted his teeth together and wrapped his arms around her back, determined to provide the warmth she needed.

They were so closed together that she was practically inside his bubble jacket, that they could feel each other breath, that he pretty sure they could feel each other heart’s beating, that if he looked down just a little, her face would be there and it’ll make his heart wavered.

They were so closed together, that his heart already faltered. His brain kept saying that this probably wasn’t a good idea, that no matter how bubbly she acted today, everything gotta go back to the way it was after this and he’s gonna be left alone again, with a heart that’ll suffer more than a few bruises, and that it’ll be surprising if he had any heart left at all after this.

But it has been so long. He didn’t just wanted to be together with her, he wasn’t just wanting to hug her a little longer, he craved for her. He’s a drug addict that went clean for couple of months, and even though he knew the importance of staying clean and staying away from the drugs, but was it so wrong to give in into temptation once? Was it so wrong to take one big snort of his drug, then he’ll stay away forever from her and became sober?

As he felt her warm jagged breaths under his neck, as he took in her scent at the top of her head, as she tightened their hug, as he lived and breathed for that moment, he figured he wanted to risk it as he’ll probably never have any more chance like this and even if it’ll crush his heart into dust tomorrow, he’ll deal with it, tomorrow.

For now, he just wanted to feel her here, now. He just wanted them together, like this. 

*****

He sat down after shower and changing his outfits besides Kwang-soo during dinner with everyone under the tent, inhaling budae-jjigae and pork belly meat that Se-chan grilled that supposed to be his job but they wouldn’t let him do anything after he got back to the villa with her, because they thought he suffered enough for today.

Honestly, the only suffering he had was that he couldn’t kept her even closer to him earlier and when  
the help came, that’s when it got annoying.

He glanced at her who was now covered in thick blanket and became more annoyed as he saw the  
man besides her, them sharing stories and jokes together.

The help Manager Yoo mentioned earlier was a young police officer who worked for the small town they passed on the way up here. From the look of it, he probably just started working here a few years ago but he met Manager Yoo a few times, knowing his boss as the humble rich guy who often spent times with the locals there. He’s a nice lad, with compassion burning in his eyes and a good communication skill, and even nicer face.

Of course, he didn’t mind all that. Not at all. So what if the officer who saved them, who brought them enough fuel —as their car ran out of gas in the middle of the forest because Manager Yoo’s housekeeper forgot to refill the gas after going to town to change the tires and they didn’t know because the dashboard was broken— to help them went back to the warm villa, could be trusted, respectful, polite and cute? So cute that So-min was practically drooling as he sat in front of her after being invited for dinner by the owner of the house? That didn’t matter at all.

It got irritating, though, when she broke away from their hug earlier because she recognised that man. It got even more irritating as she screamed and jumped into the arms of that man instead, yelling his name and that man yelled back “Ji-hyo noona?!” excitedly, because apparently they were each other junior and senior back in college.

Then, it got infuriating.

“Everyone called us the Song-Song couple back then because we shared the same surname,” she  
explained sheepishly at everyone when Manager Yoo asked how did she know him.

The Song-Song couple, my ass.

“You’re a Song, too?” Dong-hoon was the one who asked.

“Yeah.” That man glanced at her when he said it. “My name is Song Joong-ki.”

Did he really need to look at her like that? Did he really need to smile at her like that? And, did she really have to smile back at him like that? So what if he was a long, lost junior of hers—

“Huh! And here I thought that Kim was the most common name.” Dong-hoon added, glancing at him mockingly. He threw him a threatening smile that quickly made Dong-hoon looked away, pretending to feed Dream.

She didn’t look at him at all during dinner and for the rest of the evening, entertaining her guest that was actually Manager Yoo’s guest until he left. She didn’t look at him when they helped cleaning up around the tent, not even before she excused herself to get some rest as the rest of them sat down there, having a heart-to-heart conversation under the stars.

He let out a sigh, realising that it was indeed starting. The after effects of being close to her, hugging her earlier —was starting and it’s taking its toll on him.

Nevertheless, they went on with their trip as planned the next day. They started their journey to go to the skiing resort at 5 and reached there 15 minutes before seven. Even then, the resort were already packed with tour buses and private cars, explaining the fully-booked rooms that they failed to get when he tried to book one month prior. If it wasn’t for Manager Yoo generous offer to let them stay at his villa instead, they wouldn’t be here, in this famous ski resort.

It’s kinda funny that their trip was called the annual skiing trip, but the only ones who were actually skiing were Manager Yoo and Suk-jin hyung, while the rest of them chose snowboarding. No one said anything about that though, as they rode the cable car up the mountain, leaving behind Go-eun with her kids and Kwang-soo who promised to help her and look out for their things at the rest area.

All of them gazed in marvel as they wore their last gear up there, looking down excitedly at the 1.8km experienced course in front of them. To his surprise, she yelled “I’m going!” first, and he watched as she skilfully balanced her body on the board down the course. This was not their first skiing (snowboarding) trip together but he was still stunned at how graceful she looked riding on the white snow.

So-min shouted next, quickly following her going down and Dong-hoon joined soon after saying “I promised Go-eun I’ll come down as soon as I can and take turn taking care of the kids”. The remaining men then went down together.

He didn’t remember how many times he rode up the cable car that day, choosing different course every time. Se-chan joined him, stated that he’ll follow up wherever but at the end, kept asking him to choose beginners course because it was less steep and less scary. He didn’t really mind because it never failed to make him excited as he snowboarded down and rode up, as this was the part of winter that he didn’t hate, that he actually missed.

They rest after three rounds to have warm lunch together. As Dong-hoon decided to stay behind to let Go-eun experience the fun, she suddenly offered to take care of their kids, giving Dong-hoon and Go- eun chance to have fun together. Dong-hoon was clearly touched, hugging her tightly and said that he’ll be thankful forever for her, while she scoffed, saying that it’s nothing and Kwang-soo would be there to help her. So-min joined her, at the end, explaining that she wanted to rest before going back up.

During his fifth descent, he found her supervising the sledding of the two kids under her care, away from the crowd. Three, if he counted Kwang-soo who was having even more fun than the kids sledding down the gentle slope, far from the actual course. Four, if So-min who was making snowman at the side was counted too.

He considered joining in, but Se-chan came and drag him up to one last round, so he followed him. He stared at them -at her- from afar, still, smiling to himself as he rode the cable car once again, imagining the life he couldn’t have had, not in a million years, with her.

*****

He woke with pain all over his body (but what’s new about that?) way too early the next day because his body was used to wake up early on the regular day. He considered sleeping in as it probably still around 6, guessing it from the light that entered from the windows, but he grew restless by minutes. He really didn’t want to wake Kwang-soo and Se-chan up, who were still deep in their sleep by his turning and tossing on the bed so he stepped out after putting on his hoody and sweat pants.

The morning cold got to him, causing him to sneeze a few times as he walked into the kitchen to look for a warm drink and bumped into Go-eun preparing breakfast for her kids— and, probably her older ‘kid’, Dong-hoon. 

She jumped a little, quickly complaining how it was the second time she got surprised this morning. He didn’t bother to ask what’s the first time was but noticed her presumptuous smile grew suspiciously bigger.

“You can get out now, you know, you don’t have to pretend that you’re here to get some drink.” 

He choked on his drink. “What—“

“She went out way ahead of you, oppa! How dare you made her wait that long in the cold—“ 

He blinked at her, once. “What—her? Who’s her?”

But, as soon that words left his lips, he figured the answer.

“Aigo, this oppa is really something else—“ Go-eun grumbled on. “Oppa! Dong-hoon oppa already told me about your secret relationship with Ji-hyo eonni, you don’t have to keep pretending anymore!”

There’s so much points in that sentence that should be starting a long-winded argument between them and he really should be killing Dong-hoon in the worst way possible after that man shared an improbable rumour -with his wife, no less- behind his back, but his brain wasn’t working this morning, so he blinked again and asked, “Ji-hyo went out?”

“As if you don’t know that already! She probably texted you to come faster, didn’t she?” Go-eun smirked at him with a smirk that he already familiar with, a smirk that so similar to Dong-hoon that it’s annoying, proving that they really are soulmate to him. “Really reminded me about when I was young...” she whispered to herself gleefully.

“Yah! I’m older than you—I’m even older than Dong-hoon!” He snapped, blushing at her silent commentary.

“I got married first!” She laughed as he couldn’t argue with that fact and then chased him away so that he wouldn’t let his “one true love” left frozen in snow. He went out from the kitchen door to the back lawn, grumbling— it’s not that he didn’t agree with that expression, but still, she could just not say that out loud.

His grumbling stopped when he found her sitting on a log, gazing down the hill and taking pictures of miles and miles of forest beneath them. 

She held a paper cup on her left hand, probably a cup of jasmine tea- her favourite morning drink. She let her hair loose on her shoulders, probably to keep her neck warm because she only wore almost the same outfits as him, with a bubble jacket over them and still, without gloves.

“Did I keep you waiting for too long?” His question sending her jumping to a stand and turning to him, startled. He let out a quiet laugh before apologising to come up to her without warning as she whined under her breath.

“I’ll kill Dong-hoon oppa with my bare hands.” She blurted that words out, mirroring the same reaction he had earlier, after he told her about his encounter with Go-eun.

“Honestly, I’ll help you take care of his body, but I love Dream and Soul way too much.”

She sighed, looking way too disappointed at their failed even before launch plan, but said nothing more. He wanted to ask about how she’s been doing, but she was ahead of him, asking him whether he saw her scarf. When he shook his head, she came up with a conclusion that it must be in Joong- ki’s car as she rode with him on the way back to the villa the other day.

“I’ll call him later.”

It probably way too obvious that he’s irritated from the way he dryly asked. “You exchanged numbers with him already?”

“Of course, he’s my junior! I must get his number!”

“Well, maybe not must. Maybe just, sure, if he gives it to you willingly, then you take it—“

“What, you thought I forced him to give me his number—what is it gotta do with you, anyway?!” She snapped at him, to which he had no answer to reply back.

He rubbed his nose, sniffing loudly. “No, I was just still pissed that if you wouldn’t pull that prank on me that day, we would be home earlier, and I wouldn’t be sneezing today.”

She scoffed at his unbelievable attempt to draw conclusion in blaming her. She bit his bait, though. “What’s that gotta do with everything?! Yah! We’re stranded because someone didn’t check on the gas meter while driving!”

“I told you, the dashboard was broken—“

“How was it my fault, then?! It’s not my prank that caused the car to be running out of gas! It’s not as if I didn’t do my prank, Joong-ki would arrive sooner! You got sick because you practically diving into the snow yesterday with Se-chan, you punk!” She cursed and threw her small her fist at his shoulder. “Ugh, you’re annoying!”

He almost bursted out laughing, but she couldn’t know that he’s just trying to get a rise out of her, so he took her punch with a warm heart and whispered, “it’s still a horrible prank...”

“Well, excuse me for trying to make our relationship better!”

He turned to her almost as quick as she realised the words she just said. “You know you could’ve just  
talk to me, right?”

She looked away, sipping on her drink. “As if you would’ve talk to me.”

Her voice—it sounded disappointed. Hurt. His heart pounded, responding to her wounded whisper, but he refused to enter that dangerous territory, so he exhaled and straightened his legs. 

She seemed to agree with him, not pressing anymore on that matter.

After a couple of seconds in silent, he forced himself to crack up a smile at her, figured that this probably the last time they spend together, just the two of them, for this trip or probably ever again, so he should left a good impression and started again. “I heard you talked about pets with Kwang-soo the other day.”

She exhaled too, but he couldn’t figure out whether it’s out of relief or disappointment. “Yeah, he suggested me to get a pet. A hamster or a cat or a puppy.”

“Yeah?” He nodded a few times, although he already knew this from So-min. “Which one you’re gonna get?”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of responsibility, yet.” She laughed nervously at the end of her sentence.

“Why not?”

“Lately, every thing I touched— turned to shit.”

That disappointment he heard earlier came back again, this time echoing even louder in the air, deafening his ears and he knew he couldn’t avoid it anymore—their discussion that bound to happened. The dangerous territory that he ignored for so long, now chillingly opened, risking his heart once again by him jumping into it.

He jumped onto his feet, laughing rather coldly. She gazed up to him with an equally disappointed eyes, this time mixing with crystal clear guilt that were so prominent, he had to look away and started pacing around to calm himself down.

She got into her feet as well, abandoning her cup of tea in the snow, turning to him while clenching her fists. 

“Oppa—“

“Ji-hyo, don’t.”

“—I’m sorry.”

Shit, this is exactly what he didn’t want to hear from her.  
“It’s not your fault, Ji-hyo,” he whispered to the wind.

“You kept saying that!” She yelled out, angry and emotional. “But I know that’s not true! It’s my fault! It’s my fault we grew apart! And I’m sorry—“

“It’s not, though—“ he shook his head. “It’s not your fault!”

“Then, why wouldn’t you speak to me?! Why wouldn’t you say anything?! Why would you just leave me alone, then?! Oppa!” Her shouting turned to a exasperated whisper. “Why wouldn’t you even look at me anymore—“

He was right all along. She’s hurt. She’s hurting. And, it’s all because of him. Because like Dong-hoon said, he got his feelings tangled in all of this. Because he couldn’t control himself. Because he’s coward, and now, it’s not just him, it affected her as well. Way more than he expected.

He took a big step towards her, closing the gap between them. He could’ve touched her, if he just extended his arm a little more, but he kept them on his side. She stared back at him, with eyes brimming with tears.

“I stayed away from you because of me, Ji-hyo—“

“What kind of excuse is that?!”

“Because my feelings for you are too strong for me to handle it, Ji-hyo!”

She took a small step back at his scream, startled, but kept her stance quickly, still staring at him, waiting for him to finish venting.

“Don’t you get it?!” He waved his arms in the air as he spit the truth out. “My feelings for you are too strong that it’s hard for me to pretend that it’s not there anymore! It’s too strong that it’s hard for me to control myself around you! It’s just too strong—and it’s taking everything out of me—my sanity, my logic, my mind, even my soul, Ji-hyo—just to—just to keep myself from forcing you to be with me.”

Her tears fell on her cheeks, still holding her gaze strong.  
“Then, I’m—“

“Please don’t say you’re sorry you couldn’t kiss me back that night.” He cut her off, pleading with his the last bit of pride he had left, clinging to it. “Please, for the love of everything— please don’t say you’re sorry because you don’t feel the same way as I do.”

She shut up, wiping away her tears quickly, but they just kept on coming, raining down her cheeks like some sort of waterfall.

“—because,” he muttered as he calmed down after taking in a few deep breaths, “you don’t owe me anything, Ji-hyo. You don’t have to return my feelings. They’re my responsibility—and clearly, I had a hard time to control them— so, you don’t have to be guilty for it. You don’t have to feel bad for me. Me helping you to move on, to be happy and me having feelings for you, were two separate things. I was wrong for mixing them up together but you don’t have to pay for my wrong doings.”

He nodded at her a few times, reassuringly, and continued with voice that dangerously near to a sob. “It’s my fault, Ji-hyo. I was the one who’s gross enough to try to do that to you and I felt bad for it— and I even felt bad because I saw how guilty you felt, but I didn’t say anything because—I’m a coward. I’m sorry, Ji-hyo. I’m gross and I’m a coward and I didn’t deserve you at all and I’m sorry. I really am sorry.”

She stomped around as he said it, breathing in and out, wiping her tears and rubbing her nose loudly. He stood still, watching her every move and waiting patiently for her to digest everything—and to forgive him.

She stopped moving abruptly, turning to him. Her eyes were clear now, staring at him with an unfamiliar expression. 

“How long has it been—“ she stuttered. “Your feelings for me—how long has it been?”

He smiled, but it was a sad smile, even for him. “For as long as I could remember.”

She was at the verge of tears again when she muttered a question under her breath. “Even when I almost got married?”

“Even then.” He agreed. Was there any point of lying anymore, now that his feelings was out in the open, now that he yelled it into the air, at the top of his lung, in front of her?

“You still feel the same way if I really got married?”

“I was ready to accept it, you know.” He laughed weakly. “I’ll get you— in another life, I’ll try my hardest to get you.”

She laughed too, but her eyes betrayed her. They let out the overflowing tears. “What if I was reborn not as me— as something else? Maybe, I don’t know, a stone?”

“Then, you’ll be the sunset fire opal, the prettiest stone in the world.” He joked. “And I’ll find you and I’ll keep you in a glass—“

He kept on talking, didn’t notice the huge steps she had taken to get close to him, only stopping as she stood directly in front of him, their bodies pressed up against each other. He wanted to ask her what she was doing or say something—anything, but her eyes were full of fire as she stared into his.

The air around them changed into something unfamiliar, something new, something foreign, as she took his face in between her hands and pulled it to hers, closing her eyes as she closed the last bit of distance between them—between their lips and pressed hers on his lightly.

It was short, almost felt like a cold breeze, almost felt unreal, but her hands were on his cheeks, his hands around her back, the almost non-existent distance between them, told him otherwise.

He could’ve pushed her away. He should’ve her pushed away, right? After all that passionate speech about how he mustn’t be gross anymore and be responsible with his own feelings, about how she didn’t owe him anything, not for not returning his feelings, especially not for not letting him kissed her, after apologising for making it way too complicated.

He should’ve pushed her and ran away, telling her that it’s wrong for them to do this, it’s gonna complicate the situation even more and more importantly, it’s gonna destroy his heart—and hers as well, if she gonna regret this later.

He should’ve, but, dammit, he’s just a man in love, and the woman that he loves with his whole being was there in his arms, and her warm breaths were intoxicating, and he could taste her when he licked his lips.

Her eyes were wide with expectations and when she licked her lips slightly too, inviting—suggesting, it’s making him lightheaded and he couldn’t think, so he snaked his arms around her back tightly, pulling her up to him and in response, she tangled her arms around his neck, taking each other whole in and their lips met in the middle. Their lips— they met halfway and started dancing in synchronisation.

The kiss—it was messy, it was wet as it was mixed with tears. It was then passionate, for he was trying hard to use his strength to be gentle as it was a kiss of a man who had waited for years for this moment to come and feared that it would never come again, and as they pulled away once or twice to catch their breaths, it was sweet, because they just couldn’t stop and kept coming back in.

Their kiss—this kiss, was killing him but giving him life at the same time. Oh, how he wished that time could stand still because he wanted to live in this moment, forever.


End file.
